teenage life of mine.

"i didnt mean to hurt u like that" PT1

MARYAM/RIRI
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the bell rang and everyone parted ways off to their lessons even tho we were all most likely to skip lesson and go to the very back of our school field.
plus teachers don't care anymore it be the
SLTs that are jarring , but they've given up on trying to pattern us lot, it's jokes.

"oi riri wait man" i knew by the nick name i got called it was Samuel.

"fuck right off i'm not talking to you. ghetto shit" i replied before he could continue bull shitting.
"nah wtf is your problem" i could tell he was mad but he had no right to be so i ignored him, didn't look back & just kept walking.

he kissed his teeth n grabbed my arm making me face him.  "listen i wasn't doing anything i swear down, we was all just messing you're just deeping it like some bitch"

"you was with Jamies fucking cousin smoking weed regardless of everything ive told you, and why tf r u calling me a bitch for? why've you become this way?" i replied fighting back tears in my eyes

it may seem dramatic that i have trauma from weed due to my uncle & cousin who were kicked out my home 2 weeks before summer,
the two of them were on next level shit and got me addicted to weed until i stopped with the support of samuel and lydia due to the fact them 2 along with tiara, juanna and bri were the only ones who knew the full story,

"it's just the way you know everything i went thru  and the things i was surrounded with since younger and still do hood rat shit, even got the nerve to call me a bitch"
my voice started getting all shakey

He just looked me in my eyes and sighed, "i'm sorry fam, don't cry i'm sorry." he pulled me in for a hug but i didn't let him, not after him calling me a bitch, never.

everyone was either in lesson or walking around, i decided to go toilets for a bit.
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SAMUEL/SAMMY/SAM
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i tried hugging her but she pushed me away and walked off. I know it's my fault and i seem like the bad guy but she's just as bad, always getting mad and being uncalled for, she needs to pattern ahlie.
....
or am i just becoming more and more like the group i hang around w outside of school?...

The second i asked myself that question it didn't go away. icl if i don't get to talk to her with in this hour i'll go mad.
_______________________________

MARYAM
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i walked in the english corridor toilets crying more than i should, it wasn't only because of what happened but also because he was never this way before, he was literally the sweetest guy ever.
he's gone down the wrong path but everyone's so caught up in their own shit so no one's doing anything to help but me.

i went into the bathroom stall and kept crying until there was nothing left in me, luckily i decided to go natural that day so i didn't have to worry about makeup coming off, this isn't the first time he's made me cry, probably won't be the last. i took a deep breath and left the bathroom stall and washed my face with cold water.

i stared in the mirror looking at myself wondering in what world would i let this slide,

it's jarring to know no matter what samuel does or says ill always love him.
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TIARA
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"guys where's maryam?" Juanna asked out of no where, "innit tho" brianna replied.

I looked down deciding if i should speak up on what i know or not, but at the end of the day us 3 plus sammy & lydia knew about the whole thing.

"you man know how riri went thru that whole weed thing" i looked up at them, "yeaah" anna replied,
"samuel smoked weed w Jamie and them hood rats he's always with now, haroon told me n was all shocked cz he knew sammy quit"