The Perplexity of a Shattered Mind.

All I wanted was a smoke.

Fuck. The first show on the start of our new tour, I detested the thought and tried to get Pete to just leave me the fuck alone. After everything that's happened, I've just wanted to sit in my empty home and rot but of course, that business-centred asshole can't give me a fucking break.

I'm sure it was a blessing in disguise, keeping me productive and not a complete waste, I suppose.

I stepped outside the back of the venue, everyone was still inside, slowly piling out the front of the building and to their cars lined up and down the streets however it seemed like I would be safe from fans bothering me as I had a smoke.

God, I promised myself I wouldn't go back to alcohol, but my veins screamed for the warmth of it. My mind wandered and wandered, entering the deep spots of my head that I tried desperately to avoid, but it felt like it was swallowing me whole.

"Hello...?" A soft voice echoed through my head before I realized someone was talking to me. I raised my hung head and I'm sure I looked absolutely miserable, I felt it too...right now I'd be drinking with Brendon...fuck!! Stop!

"Ahm-...I don't mean to be a pest-" the girl cocked her head to the side softly. She had a cigarette between her fingers, and her nails were long and sharp looking. Who was she?

It was annoying, despite the girl seeming...harmless all I wanted and begged for was some peace, but of course, I bet it was just another groupie...maybe I needed to take my mind off of that fucking faggot anyway.

"What do you want.?" I asked with an unintentional bark to my voice, fuck my voice hurt.

She looked slightly taken aback, her posture straightening and suddenly had a sort of sassy look to her. Oh?

"Well, I was going to ask for a simple autograph, but it seems like you have better things to do." She looked me up and down, analyzing me with her...intense icy blue eyes. They reminded me of husky dogs...they always had.

It was clear I had nothing going on; I was leaning against this brick wall and smoking, the most casual thing a guy like me could probably be doing, but she didn't fucking know me. I thought I wouldn't have a fan bugging me but now here I am; I'm forced to indulge.

"Autograph huh...?" My gaze trailed down to my shoes. "Yknow, there's not as much value in those things as you may think." It was true. At least I always thought so. I didn't understand why people just wanted me to write my name on something they owned or even occasionally on their skin and especially in that case, they would just wash off the next time they showered, anyway.

"So? Your point isss...?" She gave a little smile that seemed to stun me, women weren't really the kind to talk back like this, especially to someone of such high status as myself...I mean, it had gotten better once the '60s rolled around but technically I had full right to slap her, HOWEVER, I admired her spunk and it was clear she saw that she had won this meaningless banter.

"Perfect! I came prepared!" Her face softened as she took a quick puff of her cigarette and pulled out a marker from her jeans pocket, huh. This was a strange feeling, watching her able to be so sassy yet somehow shift into a completely different demeanour, friendly...I always thought those who were too friendly always had an underlying fakery behind each word they said but in this case, the girl in front of me, blowing her smoke around us both had just a certain amount of confidence that didn't make her an entirely insufferable fan however I'm still waiting for her to try to get in my pants, they always do eventually and at this point, I'd let her, fuck it.

I took the marker from her, our hands brushing together, which usually wouldn't phase me, but she had abnormally soft hands. It freaked me out more than I'd like to admit. I looked her up and down confused before muttering "where's your vinyl?" the girl looked at me with...a grin and said in her soft voice; "oh, well I didn't want it to get wrecked at the show so just uh...write on my hand or something!" she looked way more cheery and was emitting way more energy than I could probably bear yet I shrugged and watched as she held her hand out to me. I couldn't help but be apprehensive taking her hand, it looked small and after already accidentally feeling how horrifically soft she was, I wasn't sure if I was able to mentally deal with it but I took a breath and like always managed to please the fans and in this case, it was by taking her hand and writing my name on it.
It wasn't hard to get the fangirls going crazy, I'd occasionally add a smiley face or a heart if I thought they were particularly cute and in this instance, I guess I just blacked out and muttered, "What's your name?" as i mindlessly wrote my name. Ugh. Hearing my own tired and unenthusiastic voice play back in my head made even me feel a little uncomfortable, but I just did not have the energy after this blasted show to pretend.