Life goes on

Chapter 16

Warning: This chapter consists of using alcohol as a coping method and depression. If these are sensitive topics for you I suggest you stop reading now.

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It all comes back in flashes.

Glimmer's grotesque body after the tracker jackers stung her. Clove throwing a knife at my head. Fire burning all around. A spear entering Rue's body.

I'm going back to the Capitol.

Cato being attacked by the mutts. Jabberjays singing my sister's screams. Monkeys chasing us. Fog closing in.

I'm going back to the Capitol.

Thresh smashing Clove's skull in. Johanna's covered in blood. Finnick's lifeless body.

I'm going back to the-

Nightlock in my hand. Peeta's blood- poisoned leg. Boggs's final steps.

I'm going back-

Cinna's blood on the glass. Prim's last look.

I'm-

I'm-

I'm going to die.
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These are my only thoughts as they send me to the train station.

I'm going to die.
I'm going to die.

Flashes from my time in the Capitol come and go. Although they're never happy memories; those don't make the cut.

I've relived every horrifying memory from the Capitol that my brain can recall... Twice.

I don't speak to anyone. Last time I tried I started screaming and a nurse had to sedate me.

"Oh but don't worry," they said. "Peeta's going too."

Great. We can both rot in hell together.

I don't want Peeta to go to the Capitol. That's not going to help him with his distorted flashbacks and what not. I don't know.
I don't know.

Right after Haymitch told me they were transferring us to the Capitol, he handed me his flask and I gulped down every last drop.

Ever since then my thoughts have been so much more extreme and everything is confusing.

He yelled at me when I started to drink more than he intended but I didn't care because I needed to stop the emtional pain. Physical pain seemed like a good option...

Till the liquor ran out and I tried to run but the door was locked. I ended up seeking comfort in the corner of my room in the mental unit.

I don't know if anyone was talking to me then, if so I didn't listen.

All the images kept popping into my mind and I was screaming inside my head. At least I think it was inside my head...

Now I'm in a car, which I don't remember getting into, on my way to the train station which will take me to the lovely Capitol itself.

I'm just numb now. Staring at a wall with no signs of life. I'm lost in my own mind with no hope of return.

So now I sit and wait.
Sit and wait.

Rue barried in flowers.

Sit and wait.

Buttercup wondering where Prim is even though he knows she's gone.

Sit and wait.
I'm going to the Capitol.

Coin with an arrow sticking out of her.

I'm going to the Capitol.
Sit and wait.
I'm going to the-
Sit and-
I'm-
Sit-

I'm going to die.