You Are What You Eat

I've loved sugar since I remember. It was constantly in my life, I couldn't live a day without even one little candy. My favourites were always the ones with an almost chemical taste. I was particularly drawn to the chemical taste of cherries.

It was a hot, sweaty, summer day on the school rooftop when I met my best friend. That was years ago, yet I still vividly remember the taste of a cherry powdered candy on my tongue when she leaned down to me, starting the conversation. At first, I thought she was just an illusion, a trick my mind was playing on me because of the soaring heat. But as her shadow covered me, I looked up to meet her eyes. That dark brown hair of hers fell down, as if it was reaching for me. It was the same colour of the soil I buried her in.

I don't remember the first words she said to me. Focusing on her otherworldly beauty and diverging illusion from reality I didn't listen. Maybe it would be a much sweeter meeting if I did. She took a candy from my bag and plopped it into her sugary lips. She swallowed it coughing, saying it was "way too sweet". It became a tradition of sorts. She never asked. Without consent she took them one by one, always saying way too sweet. But she never backed down. I admired her determination at that time. It was like she tried to connect with me, even by simply eating sweets. I look back fondly to these days. But, after all she never truly did like sweets.

My sister, my only family who I was close with, instantly took a liking to her. They got along well, better than me and her ever before. I like to think that might have been the first candy she took from me. Much later I realised I was the first.

The second one was the seat I often daydreamed in. I used to think she filled that empty space beside me. But that was just her way of stealing another part of my life. She was everywhere. I couldn't even sit in my room quietly. My mind was always running to her, no matter where I was. No place was ever safe anymore.

One conversation, I always look back to. She was talking with her sweet voice, filling my brain with her loud chatter. Day by day, she was making herself at home there, erasing all other thoughts. I remember that most lucidly. "You know what they say, you are what you eat, maybe that's why you're so sweet, you eat your candies everyday," she laughed casually. That was before I thought she was that kind of sweet, that got deeper, and deeper in your teeth, rotting them from inside out. I might have smiled at her, thanking for those empty words. That was the first time I smiled because of her.

Syrupy sweet moments, started rotting my teeth, brain, insides, my every day of life. She took all of it, as always, never asking for consent. But, as she took them, my supply of stocked up sweetness from every moment of my own very life was running out. As I started noticing her stealing tendencies I slowly became bitter. No matter what I did, she always stayed. Yet, I needed to get her out.

I could have grabbed my rope, some chemical to knock her out. I refrained. I knew, or hoped that I also found my way into her brain. I didn't need to go that far. It would mean we were connected. I asked her then, "Do I have a place in your brain?". She generously answered my hopeful, even desperate question, "Yes, yes you do. It occupies almost the whole space." I was surprised. Almost, that one word who got in the way. It was not fair, she didn't give me enough. So I said, "I'll make my space take it all". I invited her into my house, and she looked surprised. That almost sweet, red blush covering her face almost made me back out. But I never give up. We shall be connected in a way, in a way that makes sure that she will never again mess with my mind again.

Only there, I had to use some more drastic measures. After all, I did end up using a chemical put into the same cherry candies we used to eat at the roof. Knocked out, tied up, I thought this is the moment where everything ends. I looked down at her, just like she once did. Covering the flickering, artificial light with my body, I bit off her sweet, covered with cherry lipstick lips. Blood flowing down from our bodies reminded me of a syrup, a bit more metallic. Quite chemical, I tried to convince myself it was the taste of my favourite chemical cherries.

Visually, she started disappearing. Not even my sister would recognise her anymore. It was the start of my mind clearance and it was the second time I smiled because of her. Whole ritual was cleansing our bodies, connecting them in a twisted kind of way. But as I intended, she needed to vanish.

Night fell upon us. I was standing above her motionless body once again, just like she once did, covering the light that could fall on her. I was doing her a favour. 

I don't like the thought of the cruel, old world gazing upon us. I will reunite her with the confusing dark, shielding from the brutal light of day. She would appreciate it. As the dirt started to cover her distorted face, I thought to myself...

After all we were right, it was just as we said. You are the things you eat. And I am now us. Combined together in one body. Always together, thinking back to the sweet summer days on the rooftop. Quite disconnected, but also quite connected.