Masked Feelings | Walty

1

My eyes suddenly widened into the storm's loud noices. I slowly reached to my phone which was under my pillow. I turned it on saw it was only 4 am. When I saw the time, I decided to not sleep any longer. I couldn't even if I wanted too anyways. I stood up and walked towards the window. There was a storm outside. It was pretty noicy. Geez, I hated loud noices. They've always given me too much anxiety. I started shaking, a little. The noise of the storm was echoing in my ears. I crouched down on my knees and covered my ears. I looked at my roommate, Walter, to see if he was awake by a chance. He wasn't, of course. I was by my own as always. I've never let anyone to see my weak side. No one ever saw me crying, having panic attack or anything. Actually, maybe all I need was a shoulder to cry on. It's hard to calm myslef down when I'm all alone in these kind of situation.

I began breathing faster than usual. All the noisy sounds of storm became a mess in my head. I felt dizzy. My eyes were closed, I was trying to calm myself down. It wasn't working. I started panting. Breath, breath, breath, just keep breathing, breath-..

"Henry? What's wrong?" I heard a voice confusedly asked.

Breath, breath, breath, don't stop breathing, breath, breath-..

"Henry!"

I suddenly came back to my senses while someone was gently shaking me. It was Walter. He was looking at me worried. How was he awake? I swear he was sleeping just a few seconds ago, wasn't he? Did I cause him to wake up? Shit.

"What the hell was that?! Are you okay?"

"Sorry..It's nothing, I'm fine..."

"You don't seem so at all! Was that a panic attack? Is it gone? Please, tell me the truth!"

Walter was always so kind and friendly to me because we were best friends. Actually I didn't know he was caring that much about me. But just like I mentioned earlier, no one's ever seen my other side. Everyone always knew me as a joyable, funny, brave, pure and cheerful boy. Not as a depressive, mentally ill, sad and coward boy. I never wanted anyone to see me like that. Not even my best friend, Walter. But he saw me having a panic attack. Well, it was gone because of him though. If he weren't there, I could've been worse.

"Henry..?" He called my name.

Walter placed his warm hands on my cold hands which I didn't notice they were shaking until now. He was glancing right into my eyes but I was just looking at the floor.

"Dude, you can always talk to me about any topic.. You know that, right?"

"I..uh...I was having a panic attack.." I said almost whispering.

"Is it new? I've never seen you having a panic attack before."

"It's..it's been happening for around a year, i guess.."

I didn't know why I was being that honest to him. I succesfully hid everything from everyone but what about now? I could've lied instead. What's happening now was a total of shame.

"What? A year? And you didn't bother to tell me! Are there anything else you're hiding from me? We promised to not keep secrets from each other!-"

"Shut up, you don't understand!" I said almost screaming.

I could feel the tears popping inside my eyes. The fact that I yelled at Walter just a second ago made me feel worse. He had done nothing wrong, just wanted to help me. I was overreacting over nothing.

"Henry.. It's my first time seeing you like this. I couldn't help but worried a lot. Instead of asking too many questions, I should've been patient, I know. But only if you could see yourself in my eyes at that time, you could understand why I panicked that much. I'll wait as long as much you want for you to take your time until you come and open up to me. You can do it anytime you want. But at least please tell me whenever you have that kind of attacks. I don't want you to handle it alone. I know it's hard, so please, hm?" Talked Walter still not letting go of my shaking hands.

I rested my head on his shoulder, closed my eyes and felt the warmness of his body. Maybe, just maybe, I should open up to him one day. I've always felt safe around him.

"Sorry.." I mumbled.

He began caressing my hair with one hand. It was as if all the negative thoughts in my mind had disappeared.

"Don't be sorry" he said softly.

The storm was still raging outside. But the sounds slowly started to sound blurry. I think, I was falling asleep, in Walter's arms.

...

I woke up to the sun shining on my face. I opened my eyes and looked around. Walter wasn't here, his bed was empty.

The thought of what happened a couple hours ago hit me suddenly. Was that even real? Maybe it was just a dream. I wish it weren't though...

I tried to move but somehow I couldn't. I felt something wrapped on my waist. Shit. It was Walter's arm. HE'S SLEEPING NEXT TO ME? My body started to burn like fire, I could feel it. Why was he there? So the night, it wasn't a dream? But what would've happened after I fell asleep?

I felt a little movement back of me. Walter was waking up, I guess. Shit, shit, shit, shit.

"Already awake?" Said Walter with a yawn.

"What are you doing here?"

I wish I didn't sound rude. It was just that, I felt kind of embarassing.

"Well, it was you the one who asked for me to stay with you. And since it didn't seem like you were okay, I accepted it."

I was confused. Why would I want him to stay by my side. I didn't even remember such a thing.

"Oh? Really?.. Thanks..I guess."

He smiled at me but I quickly got up from the bed with a huge feeling of embarassment and walked towards bathroom. When I locked the door, I looked at the mirror while taking a deep breath. It got me shocked that how red my face looked like. What the heck was wrong with me. Was this a 'blushing' thing? No, that wouldn't be for real. Walter was my best friend. And plus, he was a boy. Boys can't fall in love with each other. That's how the world works, right?

《...》

Author's Note:

Heyy everyone! I'm sorry if there are any misspellings or grammar mistakes bcs english isn't my first language🥹

I hope you liked it! I have some ideas in my mind for the upcoming eps 🫶🏻

Pls lmk if you have any thoughts on the storyline or any suggestions!