Sunsets make me feel better

Part 1

I wandered through the mossy woods, and I could feel a gentle breeze lifting my dark hair up. The sound of the running river made my crying almost sound beautiful, like some kind of singing. My face was lit up by the pink, enchanting sky, as it was almost 4:30 I was thinking of getting back. No, I had to see the sunrise, I was too sad. My sadness never really went away, it just stayed with me like a dark shadow, always present. However, this time it was worse, this time it was a panicky sadness whom could only be soothed by the sunrise.

 I dug deep into my pocket until I finally found my cigarette pack. Before I went to bed the pack was full, there was one left now. I took it out and lit it. The smoke flew slowly around my face, and the cigarette it made me feel better. Not good, but better. Better had to be enough right know. I used to think that I had to feel good all the time, but that was before the sadness took over, before the sadness took me. The cigarette was almost gone now, and I was getting closer to the end of the forest. 

The air was tight and moist. It felt like I was breathing water, slowly drowning in air. I wish I could, drown that is. Feelings of fear, sadness and anxiety were flowing around my head and body. Only the sunrise would cure my brokenness, but it would still not be enough. It was never quite enough. I felt fine, at least that's what I told myself and others, not that It wasn't true, because it was. It was just that, at the same time as I felt fine I also felt terrible. I could still laugh and have a good time, but the sadness was always there digging holes in my chest making me feel guilty all the time. I'm not really sure why the sadness is there, it just is. Finally I was at the end, so was my cigarette. I just sat down, put my cigarette out, looked at the sunrise, and cried. Cried like never before, I cried so hard my lungs hurt. It was great to just let everything out. The sky started crying with me, and I just sat there, with the sky and cried. I could hear music playing in the back of my head, and I could feel my sanity slipping away. Like I was slowly, but surely becoming insane.

 I hid under the covers when my mum came to wake me up, my hair was still damp from the rain, my hands smelled of forest and cigarettes, my eyes were probably red and my cheeks swollen from crying so much. So when she gently touched my back I just told her that I was awake, and she left.