𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐈𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐍 . . . 𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐱 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐥𝐥

20. 𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙮 𝙗𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙬𝙚𝙖𝙧

20. lacy black underwear

season one, episode eight: tape 4, side b

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"Dream big, they say. Shoot for the stars. Then they lock us away for 12 years, and tell us where to sit, when to pee, and what to think. Then we turn 18, and even though we've never had an original thought, we have to make the most important decision of our lives."

Nessa floated around the gym, glancing at all of the tables that were decorated with different colleges. She dragged Alex around to each table, making sure to stop by all of the Ivy League schools. For as long as she could remember, Nessa had her heart set on going to Columbia University. She had the grades, and her mother had instilled the determination into her since she was in Kindergarten.

Her backup was New York University. Regardless, Nessa dreamed of going to school in New York City.

She talked to multiple representatives from future schools, and strayed far away from Zach and Justin, who were too busy staring at the girls on the flyers, which probably hadn't been updated in five years.

She left the college fair with a stack of brochures, which she was almost positive she would be going through with her mother later.

"I wish I had half the aspirations you did, Ness." a voice spoke from behind her as she walked through the aisles to exit the college fair. She turned around to see Hannah Baker, smiling at her.

"This is Karen Dempsey motivation." Nessa replied as she shoved all of the papers in her backpack.

"She sounds like a badass." Hannah told the girl, and Nessa nodded.

"That, she is."

"I wanted a purpose, a reason for being on this planet. But that poetry group looked like an AA meeting. Or a support group. I saw no one within decades of my age.

Until I saw you. You were the only other high school student in the group. Ryan Shaver, Liberty High's resident intellectual, editor of Lost and Found, general selfish snob.

It must be possible to swim in the ocean of the one you love without drowning. It must be possible to swim without becoming water yourself. I keep finding stones tied to my feet.

But is that why you really did it? So you could help me touch just one person? I doubt it. People like you don't make selfless moves."

Nessa leaned against the lockers with Alex, Zach and Marcus, and something was definitely off. Everyone in the hallways was staring at the school magazine, Lost and Found, published by Ryan Shaver. They were all laughing, pointing at one particular page. It was a poem written by someone, an unknown someone.

"This shit is crazy." Marcus said as he showed the group the poem.

"Crazy, indeed." Alex said with his arm wrapped around his girlfriend. "I gotta go to class, Ness."

"Okay." she said, and he leaned toward her and softly kissed her before walking off. Nessa had heard enough about this poem, especially from Zach and Marcus, so she walked off towards Hannah Baker, who was standing at her locker.