𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐈𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐍 . . . 𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐱 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐥𝐥

25. 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙩𝙝 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙟𝙚𝙛𝙛

25. the truth about jeff

season one, episode ten: tape 5, side b

▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ █ █ ▇ ▆ ▅ ▄ ▃ ▂

Nessa walked into school, and she felt like it wasn't real. The air was colder, the hallways weren't as colorful, and nothing felt the same anymore. Jeff Atkins, her friend for years, was dead. Nothing would ever be the same again.

She had no makeup on today, in fears of crying it all off. She had clung to Alex ever since he had picked her up for school this morning, and she had no plans of letting him go until first period, when they had different classes.

Alex and her walked along the bleachers, hands interlocked as Nessa stared down at the ground, watching the way her feet moved her body. She was afraid that if she looked up, she would burst into tears.

"Hey." Alex said to someone on the bleachers. "You okay?"

Nessa forced her eyes to look up and see Clay Jensen, who was sitting on the bleachers with his head in his hands. Nessa felt for the boy, she knew that he and Jeff were close. She had sat in on a few of their tutoring sessions, studying herself.

"Hey, Alex. Nessa. I'm fine." Clay spoke, his eyes softening once he saw Nessa's bloodshot eyes. "I'm so sorry about Jeff, Nessa."

"Thanks, Clay." Nessa said, her voice breaking. "Me too."

"Can't believe this fucking school." Alex said. "They're already putting up drunk driving posters."

"Whatever." Clay said, shaking his head.

"Whatever?" Alex asked.

"He was driving drunk, it was stupid." Clay said harshly.

"Yeah but, aren't you sad?" Alex asked.

"More pissed off." Clay replied.

"Me fucking too." Nessa spoke.

"I think you can be both." Alex said, speaking to both Clay and Nessa now. "Right now, maybe it's easier being mad at him than being sad. But, I also think that maybe someday you might feel worse if all you were today was mad, you know what I mean?"

"No." Clay said, but Nessa knew. She knew that it wasn't fair to her and Jeff's friendship to mourn him by being pissed at him, because he was still gone. That day, Nessa let herself cry as much as she needed. She also shifted all of her anger she had towards Jeff, onto herself for not seeing that he was intoxicated.

"I need to go find Scott." Nessa spoke up, and Alex looked at her.

"Do you want me to go with you?" he asked, but Nessa shook her head.

"It's okay, stay with Clay." Nessa ordered, and Alex listened. He gave her a soft kiss on the forehead and squeezed her hand before she walked off through the bleachers.

Nessa walked until she located Scott Reed, who was at his locker, his head buried into it so that nobody would see his bloodshot eyes. She walked up to him, fighting back tears of her own as she tapped him on the shoulder. He looked over his shoulder, their eyes meeting.

"Ness?" Scott asked tearfully.

"Hey, Scotty." she replied, wrapping her arms around him. Scott was never one for hugs, but he took this one.