Visions of Fate

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT - TEARS AND SUPPORT

We had a date on Saturday. My friends had actually approved my proposal. Though Abi was uncertain about my plan, and Ben was more focused on spending half of his day with Ethan, I chose to dwell on the fact that I had company, which was the most important thing.

Mom came home early in the evening, when the group had long gone, looking weary and tired. I was in the living room watching a reality TV show, when she had walked in, slumping herself lifelessly beside me. She was still dressed in her dark blue scrub, so I assumed she was too tired to change back before coming home.

"Hey Mom," I said, uncertainly. Her eyes were closed and her head hung low on the couch. "How was work today?" I asked, trying to shake off the feeling of unease. Mom didn't reply, just kept her eyes closed and steadied her breathing, so I knew she wasn't asleep. "Mom?" I grabbed the remote and muted the TV, then shook her thigh gently.

"We lost a patient today," her voice was as tired as her appearance, though she didn't open her eyes while talking.

My walls of unease instantly shattered, being replaced by thick iron gates of concern. The last time Mom had come home like this was last year, meaning that it'd only been a year she'd lost a patient in her workplace. The last time this happened, Mom had been a crying wreck. Luckily, Dad was available to be a shoulder to cry on.

With Dad still in Michigan, she had no one else to lean on to, but me. I knew, or at least could imagine, what it felt like to loose someone you'd work so hard to keep alive. It was never an easy thing for doctors, and I knew it was even a heavier weight to carry for Mom.

"Oh, Mom," I wrapped my hands around her, and she sat up to grant me more access. "That terrible."

"It is," she managed to let out, and it was easy to tell she was thinly holding back a flood of tears.

"What were they diagnosed for?" I asked.

"A kidney disease," she inhaled a raggy breath and wiped stray tears off the corners of her eyes before finishing her explanation. "It's called a Polycystic Kidney disease. The operation was going so fine, until one weakened blood vessels bursted, we call it aneurysm rapture," she took in another breath before resuming and I didn't bother to stop her.

"We gave him all the surgery procedures we knew, every medication, every single thing we available, yet it was all futile. We watched him die before our very eyes." She pressed the heel of her palm against her eyes and quietly sobbed. I perched my arm on her back and when I felt her shoulder bounce to the rhythm of her sobs, I began to rub it gently, making smooth patterns on her back.

"You know it's not your fault right," I said, about three beats later. "You tried everything you could, and that's all that matters. There was nothing else you could have done."

"We could have saved him," Mom replied, and my heart warmed at the sound of her voice that sounded better from a few minutes ago. "If we had been more careful, we could have avoided that accident."

"Mom look at me," I peeled her hands off her eyes and wiped her teary cheeks with my thumbs. "If there's anything I've learned about you and your coworkers, is that you guys are the most careful team in a hospital there could ever be. Almost all your patients survive and you've had so many people that will till today keep praising you for changing their lives for the better." I swept a stray strand of hair from her face and watched as her small smile gave her brown eyes a wonderful glint. "So don't let this accident affect you or your job."

Mom smile broadened as she squeezed my thigh. "Thanks honey. You really know your way with your words."

I chuckled lightheartedly, brushing off her gratitude to ease off tension. "No need to thank me, Mom," I said. "Just go freshen up, alright?"

I watched in confusion as Mom's smile dipped in sadness, and I wondered if she was having a relapse of her episode. She shook her head gently and intertwined her fingers with mine that still stayed on her cheeks. "I'm so sorry, honey," she swallowed a bile before talking again. "Yesterday, I shouldn't have scolded you like that. I shouldn't have–"

"No," I interrupted her. "Don't apologize Mom, I deserved it. It was my fault for staying up that late, even more so for going out without your consent." It was so difficult taking blame for something that wasn't really my fault, I might as well try breaking a diamond with my bare hands. But there was no other way to go around my situation without having a finger pointed at me, so I took on my only option. "I totally deserved my punishments and, trust me, I've definitely learned my lesson." I peeled my hand away to wrap her in a hug she immediately crumpled into. "I'm just glad we're okay. And that everything is back to normal." I muffled into her stale hair.

"Me, too honey," Mom said, when we pulled away. "But I really need to go freshen up. I feel like I just got puked on by a pile of mess."

"Well, a pile of mess is an understatement," I joked, and Mom teasingly smacked my shoulder on her way up.

I was so glad we were both talking again, and I just had to hope last night didn't repeat itself.

That night, I dreamt about the man that died. He was covered in thick blood, while his stomach had been left open from the surgery. I watched his family wailing behind him, as a few men dressed head to toe in white carried his body into a river that was slowly poisoned by the colour of his blood. The entire river thickened with his blood as his deceased body floated down the river bed and into oblivion.