vents

1

He laid on the ground, hot years dripping down his face and blood from his arms. He... Didn't feel anything. Nothing. Pure silence. Why couldn't it always be like this? He took solace in the fact that she had left his addiction alone, giving him one small coping mechanism in this madness of emptiness, yet so much emotion. Once the first tear dropped, they didn't stop. He felt that he could flood a whole ocean with his tears. Impending stress, facts, jobs, school, logic weighed heavy on his back. He desperately wanted to leave it all. The stress. The emotions. He wanted to leave them behind. He looked down at his arm, the slightly red marks bursting out at him. He reopened the device of his addiction, and he knew it would never stop from there. He found solace in the addiction. Community. Where he could leave if he wanted to. No responsibilities. No pestering. Just... Silence. This was what he needed. Silence. Only the quiet sounds of children outside his window. His addiction was dying. He couldn't find the energy to recharge it. He looked out at the vibrant colours. It was too much. He didn't want it. He wanted silence. He craved it. But at the same time, he wanted companionship. He craved it as well. He envied them, their companions so wonderful, so elegant, let them have their time, space and rest. The few companies he did have gave him temporary solace, but it never lasted long. They would leave and forget, he would remain, sorrowful, stupid, and desperate. He knew they cared. But couldn't they notice when he wanted a break? Why? Why? Why? Why? He wanted silence. He craved it. He needed it with every inch of his body. He messed with the words in his head, letting them run. He fixed the mistakes in spelling, making them conform to fit the rules, just like he had. He could hear their screams of agony, but there he remained. He can't tell if the children are laughing or crying. He looked at the addiction one more time, before shutting it off and remaining on the floor, not feeling worthy of his comfortable bed.