Repressed Nightmares

She tossed and turned
As though she were fighting something

According to her, that day didn't happen
No, it was bad dream, a horrible nightmare
And that all was okay

Her sister was fine
Wearing pretty bracelets, after a "retreat"
And that what happened wasn't real

As far as she knew, her sister always took medicine

This was always the case, right? Right?

Most nights, she tossed and turned madly
As though she were fighting an adversary unseen
Her memory of that day

Replaying over and over

There was a sea of red
Flowing from a bathtub
With her sister in the middle of it

Bleeding from an incision

That sinking feeling of dread
And that sense of urgency

She tied the tourniquet
She remembered the hospital trip
She was begging and sobbing

There wasn't a note
No reason was given
But she blamed herself

Was she not worth staying alive?

As a baby, she was thrown away
And, that day seemed to suggest that her sister would rather die

Than stay with her

No, that didn't happen
It never happened, her sister was always sick
Yet, she still avoided that bathroom

She was tossing and turning, still
That day replaying her mind
Haunting her dreams

She convinced herself
That whatever happened was a horrible nightmare
And that what's she seeing presently

Was always there

Deep within, she knew
She knew it happened, but it hurt
Hurt too much to face

She never talked about her nightmares
But her sister knew she had them
Being there to help her sleep more soundly

At some point, they'd discuss it
But, right now, they'd deal with the aftermath
Of that horrible day