A Hundred Ways To Hurt

Preface (Part 1)

I loved him...

I loved him with my entire heart. I miss the days when it was me and him. Mom was never in the picture, just me and him. She had no say in our relationship because she never existed. Just me and Morris. Me and Morris. Alone. Together in paradise. Our quietly fragile paradise.

Watching our paradise shatter hurt.

No, actually it didn't just hurt- I have enough cuts and bruises from the shattered glass to last me a lifetime. It burned. It .. it stung. It festered and molded into the Great Wall of China guarding my heart from any other man. Any other Morris. My Morris.
Oh, Morris, I loved you so much. Seeing you.. you cheat on me hurt. And it wasn't just with another girl, no, Morris. No, it hurt seeing another man hold you in such a loving and tender embrace.
When he holds you, Morris, do you feel safe?
I used to feel safe, Morris, when you held me like that. It was as though.. even the Devil couldn't hurt us ...
It felt like.. As long as I stayed still inside of your grasp, conflict would leave us alone and let us live our lives in a peaceful ending. But no, Morris, you had to let go.
You had to leave me ... Just like them.
Just like Mom, Dad, Julian, Xavier, Jenn and.. And Kylie.
You turned your back on my just like the rest of them. You heard me screaming and suffocating in my pit of absolute loneliness... Yet, all you did as a reaction,
While I cried and lusted for your loving arms to protect me from the demons that haunt my nightmares, all you did..
All you did, my dearest Morris...
All you did, my one and only Morris...
My love. My light. My only meaning for living in such a lonely and dull world, all you did...
Was embrace another man.
I loved you..

"I- I loved him..." 
But obviously, my love for you couldn't be returned.

"That's why I had to kill him."