Panic - An Aiden Story

❤️

I am currently experiencing a social nightmare. I would rather stuff my head inside a wood chipper than keep living this moment. The last thing I felt right now was comfortable. The door looked like a dream. I wish I could leave but I promised my mom that I would be able to make it through today without my flight-or-freeze response activating. Okay it wasn't really a promise, she more of just told me to try.

At the moment I have found myself at my eighth-grade graduation party fifteen minutes early. None of my friends have showed up so far, but it seems everybody else has. It's definitely not everybody, but it feels like everybody. Tsunami's of people seemed to be flowing in all directions. I am not leaving. I am not leaving. I reassuringly thought to myself, scrunching in my eyebrows like I was angry at everyone in the room. I wasn't. If anything I was more angry at myself. I hate behaving like every little sound I hear, every person I see, and every moment of my life is a walking nightmare. I want to learn to just suck it up. Be a man they say. Be a man...

Everyone around me acts like a boy with emotions is the next Frankenstein's Monster. They act like I'm a mental anomaly. In reality, no, I am not some messed up science experiment or some insane freak who deserves to be locked up in an asylum. I'm just an emotional 13-year-old boy who struggles with socializing like trying to breathe while getting strangled. Hilarious analogy considering when I'm put in a situation like this I can't breathe.

God, when are my friends showing up? My heart feels like it's going to jump out of my chest right now. My body is shaking like i'm in -40°C weather. I need somewhere quiet to sit down before I explode. I can already feel the tears welling up in my eyes. No, I can't leave. I have to sit this one through. I needed a drink. It felt nauseating just standing in this crowded room, but maybe a drink could keep my mind off everything. I went to go grab a cup and walked up to the counter where drinks were being served at. I quickly realized I didn't think this through. 

Before I could even think about leaving the guy at the counter asked me, "Hello! What would you like?" 

I'm pretty sure it was the dad of some kid at the party. Whatever, not important. I quickly realized I couldn't speak. It felt like my throat had completely closed up. The guy looked kind of confused. I can't blame him. I'd be confused too if a random thirteen-year-old boy came up and stared at me.

I was frozen in place. 

I barely managed to cough up "PEPSI!" without having my head pound over and over again. 

Being in such a loud place didn't help my migraine. The guy handed me a Pepsi and I grabbed it quickly without saying thanks and chugged it in the nearest corner. Looking at everyone else around me having fun was really not help the insecurities flooding my head. 

You're so stupid, why can't you be like everyone else? Why can't you be a normal person and enjoy this? My brain would scream at me along with similar statements. 

Why did I even decide to come here? 

I looked to my left to see my classmates Tony and Theo. 

Oh...right... 

Actually, maybe they wouldn't pick on me if I didn't show up. At the moment my friend group is currently on a truce with them after Naomi got some...interesting blackmail of the two of them. She agreed not to spread it around as long as they don't do anything to our friend group. Naomi's a great friend. Genuinely one of the best people I've ever met in my life.

Strangely, I seemed to calm down a bit. My friends tend to have that effect on me. God, when are they showing up? It's been like ten minutes... I knew Evelyn had a habit of being late, but the rest of them? Eve is usually 30 minutes early, and Naomi tends to show up at random times and scare everyone around her from being startled. As soon as I thought that, I heard something slap me in the back.

"HEY LOSER!" Naomi said cheerfully as she suddenly appeared behind my back, wearing a sparkling red dress. 

"Hey! Is that your grad outfit?" I said back to her.

"Nah, I have a different dress for that. Even prettier dress!" She started posing. 

"Aiden!" Eve said running after her, Evelyn tagging along. 

Eve had a short black dress, which completely contradicted her positive sunshine-y energy. Evelyn on the other hand was wearing a regular white dress shirt. I didn't have a lot of time to get a second outfit, so I wore the dark red dress shirt i planned for grad itself. What? I'm lazy.

"OH MY GOD GUYS THERES PIZZA!" Naomi screamed as she pushed me out of the way.

"Naooooo..." Evelyn said, getting dragged as they were holding hands. 

"Welp! Guess I should follow them too!" Eve laughed, running along. 

I shrugged. This was our friend group. Operating on a single braincell that seemed to be inhabiting Naomi. I laughed a little and chased after the three of them. These guys are who I want to be around. Always and forever. I have no idea what I would do without these weirdos. Suddenly Eve began hugging me. 

"Sorry we took so long...Evelyn and Naomi were flirting behind a bush." She spoke. 

"Heh, of course they were..." I began to blush. 

Eve was the most amazingly positive person I've ever met, practically my opposite. I have no idea why i like her so much...PLATONICALLY! Platonically...

"GUYS THEY HAVE PEPPERONI!" Naomi yelled to us. "Oh my god, PDA much?" 

My face turned bright red. 

"I- UH- NAOMI!" I yelled at her. 

"Kidding! Kidding...unless?" 

I stole one of the pizza slices off her plate and took a bite out of it. 

"AIDEN! OH MY GOD YOU BITCH! GET OVER HERE YOU STUPID DORK-" She began chasing me. 

Here I was, comfortable at a party. The last thing I thought I would ever say in my life. But hey, it's thanks to these weirdos so I guess they can make anything possible.