my crazy clown... (sdj x reader!)

chapter 2

For as long as I could remember, I've never really been the type of person to go out of their way to relive my childhood... I mean yea I had a okay one but it really wasn't anything special and being an adult has its own perks too. Driving cars and having my own money is pretty nice. I don't think I'd trade it for homework and not being able to open child proof caps. Hehe.
These days a lot of my friends or people I knew are having kids or spending their money on nostalgic things. That's fine for them I guess? But I don't usually tend to do that kind of thing. I don't make the kind of cash to be able to do that anyways I liked to think I was pretty mature2 for that reason. At least compared to some people right?
. . .
There is one exception, though.. Or.. I guess there was one.
I was laying on my bed having another sleepless night. I was tossing and turning in my bed. I was still not used to not having... Him in my bed. I turn over and see my phone ringing. It's him again. I answer it but don't say a thing. Like every time.

"Hey... Y/n are you there?" He asked hoping I'd hear. I loved him so much.. "I was just calling to see how you're doing. You haven't answered any of my texts." He said he been texting me non stop almost every day trying to get my attention. He stayed quite for a moment. "I-i know this is my fault... And you don't have to be okay! I wouldn't be in your shoes. But please... Let me know you're okay? Still alive, at least...?" He said as I just layed there staying quite. I hung up. I sigh as I hear the phone ring again. I grown as I let it go to voice mail
"It's me again." I sighed knowing it was him already "you're not posting online anymore... Are things ok?" I tear up hearing that part... I wanted to scream at him "I literally can't tell." He said sounding worried "Y/n, please." he said "message me back when you have the time.." I continue to tear up remembering all those good times where I'd wake up next to him and we'd cuddle until noon... "Is work going ok? Are you eating?" He asked, I rubbed my eyes I wish I wasn't so emotional over this. "I miss you. I'm worried about you... Text me?" It ended again and started to cry more, after a minute or so, I calmed down and turned over....'let's try this again.' I think to myself.
I hear the phone ring again and I get annoyed, I just hung up but I listened to the voice message "you remember when we were kids? You'd be the one to ask my mom if I could sleep over at your place..." I hug my pillow remembering that. "Because I was to scare to do it myself...." He stayed quiet for a moment ".... You'll never know how much that meant to me... How much YOU mean to me. I was the one that made that hard to believe, wasn't I?" He asked I nodded to myself pretending I was in front of him. I hear him take a deep breath "I'm going to fix us.... But there's no us without you...and I need you..." He said sounding like he's starting to cry "I'm sorry every day... And Ill be sorry every day of my life..." He said I hear a few sobs. "I can't do it without you, Y/n." He said "answer me, please. If you hear me.
..Answer me..." It gets quiet and then he says that horrible thing that makes me constantly second guess myself. "I love you." I hear my phone beep as the message ended sighing and roll over again and think about how I shouldn't hold on to the paspast the nostalgia comforts...but they never ever last, and even if it looks the same.
It never is.
So the best thing to do is to grow up. And try to move forward. Be strong enough so that things DO change....you're not leaning on them and you can support yourself..... I won't lie I've been eager to discard these childish things from my life. Almost recklessly so, maybe that's why I am where I am today, being haunted by the ambassador of things in the past. I used to love the things that were so simple and colorful and childish, maybe that's why I'm being haunted by a children's tv show host?
(I'm so sorry for the image but it made me laugh.)