𝗚𝗥𝗔𝗖𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗧𝗢𝗢 - 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘃𝗲𝗹

𝟭𝟮: 𝗡𝗢 𝗣𝗟𝗔𝗖𝗘 𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘 𝗛𝗢𝗠𝗘

AEI: this was a difficultish chapter to write, especially bc i'm writing entirely from the perspective of gracie, bc she spends most of this chapter viewing nat as the opposition, and because of that, it means i have to write nat like she's trying to hurt gracie. pls have some understanding for her!!! nat's suffered a lot of trauma in her life and seeing it mirrored in gracie – especially when she sees gracie as a do-over of yelena – is incredibly hard for her. she doesn't treat gracie the best this chapter, and she says some unkind things to her, but please try to see where she's coming from!!

(semi proofread)

THREE WEEKS LATER

I don't like this new safehouse. Not even one little bit. I think I'm supposed to not mind, because I don't have to live here, but we've been spending so much time here that I basically feel like I do.

Really, it's Mr Fury's safehouse. He's alive again, which is confusing, 'cause he's also supposed to be dead, so he can't do normal stuff like live in his own apartment anymore. He just has to hang out here, even if there's no proper electricity and I am at least eighty-six percent sure that there are rats in the walls. I don't mind rats, but some people might.

The big safehouse is in some old, greyish building a little bit out of town. We have to drive there, in lots of different cars so nobody remembers us, and then I have to sit in the corner and do colouring-in while all the adults talk with the door shut. I hate that bit the most, even more than the actual place.

At the beginning, I hated it especially, 'cause it meant that I was even further away from my dad while he was in the hospital. He got better pretty quick, though, and now he comes to the safehouse too. I keep wanting to talk to him about Bucky, but whenever I say anything, Nat starts listening, so I have to go quiet again.

That's another problem, at the moment. A Very Big Problem.

I don't think I can trust Nat anymore.

When I first got home, it was OK. She hugged me so tight I couldn't even breathe, and then she saw my messed-up face and had to go outside for a minute. I just sat with Maria and looked at the floor so I could focus really hard on not hearing her crying. I've heard her cry before, but it felt different this time. Like something you're not ever, ever supposed to know about.

After that, though, it just got bad.

She kept asking me about what happened at HYDRA. So many questions I felt like the whole world was turning into one big question mark. I didn't want to tell her. I just put my head under my blanket and then put Max on top of my face for good measure, just in case it would make her go away, but it didn't. It just made her mad, and whenever I tried to run away, she lost her temper.

I don't know why I can't tell her. I just can't. HYDRA and Bucky are my secret, me and my dad's, and she won't understand. Maria says she sees the world in black and white. Like, if anyone ever hurts me, then that must mean they're a bad person. I don't think that's true, 'cause some people are like Bucky and they don't get to choose whether or not they hurt people, but Nat doesn't really see it like that. Maria says it's just because she wants to keep me safe. I hope that's true, 'cause it doesn't really feel like it anymore.

Sometimes, I think Nat wants to put me in a box and never let me out again. That isn't keeping me safe. That's just keeping me. It's not the same thing. Maybe I used to think it was, but not anymore.

It makes me feel not like a person.

I've been trying not to talk at all, but it's hard when you live with someone. Nat still washes my hair and makes me breakfast and folds all my clothes. She still goes to the store and buys my favourite candy. She still turns on my nightlight and kisses my forehead every single night. She still does all these things that she used to do before. I just don't say anything when she does them. If I open my mouth, then she's gonna start asking questions again, and I don't want to tell her the answers.