A CROWN OF THORNS.

I.

CHAPTER 1
TODD ANDERSON.
Neil's mom said it was a shot right in the shoulder and that it would be a hard recovery, but everyone was just glad he was still alive in the first place. That was the only thing she stated, and then she just went silent.

Neil wanted to kill himself.
Commit suicide because his asshole of a father wouldn't let him be who he is. Neil is a good actor, a very good actor, and now he's in some hospital room all by himself, not even God knows if he is alive or not since his parents wouldn't talk to anyone about it.
Charlie was furious, and even I was furious.
Oh god, Neil, what did they do to you?
They broke him, my best friend.
My lover.

"Todd? Are you alright, honey?"
My mother shook me out of my thoughts gently. Welton decided to give everyone a day off, most likely to announce another day off tomorrow when they realize that everyone won't be back to being all nice and happy after their friend wanted to shoot himself in the head but missed and hit his shoulder.

"I—" I paused for a moment, sighing.
"I'm fine, mom.

"Are you sure, hun? You know I'm sorry about your friend Neil, but—"
"Yes, mom, just leave me alone!" I murmured, fidgeting with the sleeve of my uniform as I got up and walked out of the room that was once filled with laughter and happiness—me and Neil's room.
I was done with Welton, done with Cameron, who kept saying his theories that it could have been Mr. Keating who, in his words, 'got that idea into his head.'

Just like that, I was outside of Welton, my feet taking over me. I couldn't stop walking, and I didn't know where I was taking myself.

"Todd?Todd!"
Knox and Charlie called, rushing over, and before I knew it, I was sniffling, my nose runny, and my eyes wetting.
Charlie put his hand on my shoulder, and I shook it off.
"Hey, Todd, I know Neil took a big toll on you; you can talk to us."
"Leave me alone."
I walked off into the distance, Charlie and Knox just stopping in their tracks as I felt them watch me, trying to figure out where I was going.

My feet were cramping and my knees were weak, as I felt like I'd been walking for a good one and a half hours now, and when I checked where I was,
There it is—Neil's home in all its glory.
The home that never felt like home to him.

NEIL'S POV:
The night.
I hate it here.
I hate my dad; I hate the way I can't do anything I want to; I feel trapped.
He can't boss me around all the time, not anymore.
I felt so many emotions at once as I went and stole his gun from him and mom's room—anger, frustration,fear—just all of it—everything except anything positive.
Oh god, I'm actually going to pull this through. I'm sitting in my dad's office now, gun in my hands.
I remember what I could be, what I could have been, but now everything's gone, ruined. If I can't be who I am, I don't want to be here anymore.
I close my eyes.
Holding the gun at the side of my head, hesitating as I moved the gun under my chin, trying to find an escape to make this quick and painless, I was scared I was still going to live for a couple of moments after the shot.
My brain starts playing tricks on me, showing me memories of my friends, mostly Todd. 'The new guy',I'm going to miss him so badly.
No one can save me now; it's too late.

I'm sorry everyone. I'm sorry Todd.

BAM!

FUCK.

Oh my god, fuck.

I fell to the floor; I was an idiot; I couldn't even shoot a gun right; I forgot about the recoil.
I felt a pain so bad that I forgot how to react for a moment, choking on my sobs before screaming out.

Back to Todd's POV:
I stand there for a while, looking at the house where Neil grew up and where he shot himself.
My feet were carrying me on their own again; I couldn't help myself.

Knock knock.

„What is it?." Mrs. Perry opened the door, sniffling; it seemed like she was crying. Any moment now, I felt like any moment now I would get the news that he was in a coma or that he had died.
„Todd??" she asked.
I was at a loss for words for a moment before speaking up.
„ah—misses Perry.. Yes, uhm, I'm one of Neil's friends. I just wanted to ask if he was alright.
„I'm not answering any questions."
She tried to close the door, but I put my foot in the gap of the closing door. It hurt, but I didn't care at this moment.

3rd Person POV:
„Please, please, please, Miss Perry I just want answers. I need answers. It's eating me alive. Is Neil okay?"
Todd begged; he hated how desperate he sounded right now and how his voice broke. He was still horrified by talking to people, but this was for Neil.
„I-„ Mrs. Perry sighed, holding the tissue she already had in her hand at her eye, trying her best not to cry just thinking about her son.
„No.."
„Todd, he loved you all so very much."
„No.."
Todd repeated, shaking his head in disbelief.
Shaking it quicker as tears started to well up in his eyes.
He stepped a couple of steps back as he squeezed his eyes shut and tried his best to wipe every tear away, but he couldn't stop himself.
„Hey, hey Todd, no, it's not what you think-„
Todd just ran off.
His feet slipped on the thin ice that covered the empty, cold road multiple times, but that didn't stop him from running.
He sobbed and cried.
my dearest,Neil..
Is what kept replaying in his head,It haunted him, and it wouldn't go away.
It was the first sentence he wrote in a poem for him once. He quickly crumbled it up as it sounded, in his words, ‚dumb and stupid' but now a small part of him wishes to go back in time and tell him that he wrote multiple poems about him. How welcoming he was, how warm his hands were when they accidentally touched when they walked to their next class together with the dead poets, and how his smile could light up a whole room.
But now that he was gone, everything was so quiet.
Neil was the light in Todd's life—the person who brought light into his life.
Now all Todd felt was pure emptiness, the wind cold against his tear-covered face.
After running for what felt like forever, his legs gave up, and he let himself fall to his knees, into the field of snow he arrived at. He had no idea where he was, but he didn't care about that right now; all he cared about was Neil, and now he was gone.
„Neil!"
He yawped, his hand clenching his chest as he let himself just fall, feeling like all the life had been sucked out of him, rolling to fall onto his back as he just laid in the snow.