winter's farewell

Winter Solstice

Abigail tried to act fine in front of her family, she tried to greet customers with a smile on her face, but right when the night fell, she buried herself in pillows and linens as she cried her heart out. She blamed herself, if that day she hadn't waited for Charlotte on the dock by her house, maybe Charlotte's father wouldn't have caught them sharing a kiss. If that day she was smart enough to know that Mr. Hudson could be passing by, to suppress the urge to kiss her lover on those rosy lips, he wouldn't have made Charlotte cry in front of her and dragged her home furiously.

At that exact moment, she just wanted to jump right down the freezing ocean beneath her feet to seize all the overwhelming emotions that were soaring like a summer wave inside her chest cage. It had been weeks, but his heavy push still lingered on her shoulders just like how the feeling of the last kiss did on her lips.

Abigail saw a plane fly to the Hudson's mansion a few days ago. Charlotte would have to fly back to England soon. Way too far from here, way too far from her reach. Suitcases were packed, flights were scheduled, everything was ready but Charlotte wasn't. Neither did Abigail.

She wanted to see Charlotte for the last time. But she couldn't even stand the thought of her lover's departure in the moment when their love was thriving like wild flowers in spring, how could she come to witness the end of their incomplete story?

And even if Charlotte wasn't leaving and everything wasn't ending now, it would end soon. Charlotte was the only child in an old money household, she lived in a large mansion in this small town, she was intelligent, she was curious, she was educated and she was, beautiful. Abigail was the first born in a poor, extended baker family, couldn't read nor write, wore flour-coated clothes everyday, almost a heavy teen smoker, and the only healthy habit was photography, but God, how could one trade bread for a decent camera? Two different souls from two countries four thousands miles apart, two different lives in two separate classes of society. Maybe they were just, not meant to be.

Thoughts were rushing in Abigail's head, pouring the tears out of the corners of her tight-shut eyes. She didn't know what to do anymore. She missed Charlotte, but she shouldn't be. But she couldn't help it. She wanted to hold her for the last time, or even just see her for the last time, was that too much to ask?

Abigail cried. And while her pillow got soaked with tears, she didn't know that there was a plane flying over the shared night sky, directly to London, England.

Not until the sun rays shining through the windows woke her up did she know that she fell asleep. The trails of the dried, bitter tear felt uncomfortable. It made hair stuck on her face. She got up to brush her teeth. The pain was still there inside of her, stucking on her throat as if she was swallowing an oversized rock. Abigail looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were swollen like she was stung by the most poisonous bee ever existed. Turning on the tap, she bent down the sink, caught the running water with her palms and splashed it on her face. The water was cold, but it helped with the swollen eyelids. Abigail wiped the water out of her face, dried it with a towel and exitted of the bathroom without looking at the mirror for the second time.

She came downstairs to help her folks run the bakery as usual. She could feel her eyes all bumped up still, but she smiled nevertheless and told everyone that she had an allergy with her breakfast, which was, in fact, air.

In the morning, when her parents and granny were tied up by kneading dough and baking bagels in the back, Abigail, her grandpa and her younger brothers would run the bakery in the front, selling and restocking. Sales on mornings were regularly the highest during the day, so the whole family was put into labour. It was like her daily routine to be at the bakery in the morning and wander around or run errands for the rest of the day, but the first morning without Charlotte in town seemed like standing on the edge of a cliff with slippery flip-flops in the pouring rain. Abigail thought that she could burst into tears at any time, it felt heavy in her chest, it felt like there was something so hefty, so strong that kept squeezing her heart.