𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐈𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐍 . . . 𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐱 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐥𝐥

62. 𝙨𝙖𝙮𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙𝙗𝙮𝙚

62. saying goodbye

season 2, episode 13: bye

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"We're here to say goodbye to Hannah." Clay Jensen declared from the podium in front of everyone.

Hannah Baker would finally have a funeral today, six months after her death. The last funeral that Nessa had been to was for her father, and she had realized that sitting front row at a funeral changes your perspective on everything, forever.

However, even with how much that had messed her up, there was never a doubt in her mind that she would be here today. Hannah had always been kind to her, and she had been a friend in times where she didn't have to be. Nessa failed her, and she would never forget that.

Her entire life going forward would be dedicated to Hannah, and to the life she didn't get to live.

Everyone imaginable was at Hannah's funeral, except for Justin. He was still in police custody, and it wrecked Nessa daily.

She sat next to Zach and Alex in the second row, Jessica beside them. Courtney and Ryan were next to them, and Scott sat in the row behind them. He didn't know Hannah too well, but in the last month since he had helped them with Montgomery, he had become a pretty decent addition to the group. Everyone was fairly grateful for him, even Alex, who was slightly threatened by his close proximity to Nessa.

However, everyone knew that Alex had nothing to worry about, as Nessa was too wrapped up in her love for him that she would never notice another person, even if it was Scott Reed.

The eulogies today from everyone were a difficult thing to get through for Nessa, but they were also a beautiful reminder of the kind and caring person that Hannah was, which had managed to get lost in the mess of the tapes and the trial.

Anytime things got heavy, or emotional, or just too much to hear, Nessa reached out to Alex, whose hand was perched on his thigh, waiting for her to grab it. It comforted him too.

"Hannah Baker came into my life at the end of one summer like a star that fell to Earth." Clay spoke of Hannah, and Nessa couldn't help but smile. The smile soon faltered when she realized that Clay, who had become one of her closest friends, would never get to experience the love that he dreamt of with Hannah.

"Like nothing I had seen, like no one I had ever met. She was funny, and smart, and moody, and maddening. And beautiful."

"And I loved her." Clay said shakily through tears. "I loved her so much."

Nessa watched as Clay shook his head, his eyes darkening from the tears that pooled in his eyes, the grief that encapsulated him in these last six months because he had lost his version of a soulmate. What Alex was to her, she realized, is what Clay had lost.

Nessa reached for Alex's hand, looking at him with tears in her eyes. His were glossy too, and she leaned her head against his shoulder, nestling herself into the perch between his chin and his shoulder that perfectly fit her head.

"And I ask her every day why she did what she did. But I get no answers. She took those with her when she went. Leaving me, all of us, angry, empty, confused."

"And I know that hurt won't ever go away. But there will come a day where I don't feel it every minute. And the anger won't be so hot, and the other feelings will fade, and I will be left with only love."

There was not a dry eye in the church, Nessa noticed. Clay's words, his pain, had cut deep and they were raw and they were real. They were words of a man that had lost the love of his life.