Might As Well Forget | kwj × bc

how could i forget (i might as well forget)

It was the 28th of October in the year 2019 and Bang Chan was crying. He remembers it like it was yesterday yet it feels like it was decades ago. That was the day Kim Woojin, the man he thought would be the love of his life forever, broke up with him.

Being bisexual without a preference always made it a guessing game. A guessing game whether he would marry a woman and have kids like most other people. Or go down the more complicated route of choosing between coming back to Australia to marry the man or waiting until South Korea could legally accept their marriage (which might take a while).

Until Woojin came along. On the day they got together, Chan saw their future flash before his eyes. Two very similar yet distinct futures. One where they move to Sydney - Chan's hometown - after their idol careers are over, get married with barely any complications, adopt some kids, grow old as those kids grow up, and have their happily ever after. The other one is where they stay in South Korea, grow old first, and (hopefully) when the country finally allows same-sex marriage they will marry. Also happily ever after. Whichever one Woojin prefers.

On the day of Woojin's departure, all that came crashing down like a Jenga tower. Chan felt betrayed that he had waited until the day itself to tell the members, to tell him. To tell him that he was leaving.

("If I told you earlier you would've convinced me to stay." Woojin says through a watery smile with bunny teeth on display.

"Well, I'm convincing you to stay anyway!" Chan almost screams.

"It's complicated, okay, Channie?" Woojin lets slip the nickname, "You wouldn't understand."

"Then make me understand!" Chan actually screams now.

It's a surprise the other members who are only one door away don't peer or listen in out of curiosity.

Chan manages to say a few words between his rapidly succeeding sobs, "At least let me say goodbye."

Woojin, the weak man he is, complies and pulls Chan in by the collar.

And just like that, they share one last kiss.)

Chan felt heartbroken that he was leaving and never coming back. Especially with the fight - no, argument - the nine of them had a few days ago about something Chan doesn't remember now. Chan wonders if that was the reason Woojin ultimately decided to leave. The couple weren't having the best communication prior to Woojin leaving and it was even worse between Woojin and the others. Nobody was solely at fault for the arguments, maybe Woojin had just had enough of being in a group. No real opposition to being in Stray Kids specifically.

That was somewhat confirmed when he made his solo debut. A certain tone in his voice that didn't come out in the group's tracks could be heard in those solo numbers. Chan listened to all the songs he released until he eventually retired. On that topic, it's been a year since Stray Kids' disbandment and Chan still isn't over it. Unlike the other seven, Chan stopped doing anything to do with the industry once they released their last album. Content with the royalties he would receive from the songs he's written, produced, and performed.

After his retirement, Woojin still sometimes posts on his Instagram account with the blue checkmark. Chan occasionally checks it through the browser version of Instagram without logging in to avoid liking a post by accident. Sometimes Chan considers checking it from the app and with his own account, also with a blue checkmark, to accidentally-on-purpose like a post and then maybe they'll be back in contact. (That being the best case scenario.) Realistically, even if that doesn't end with them being acquaintances again, at least Woojin'll know he's thinking about him.

Now that Chan thinks about it, being merely acquaintances with Woojin might hurt more than being strangers who once knew each other better than the back of their own hands. Perhaps it wasn't meant to be. Right person but wrong time. Whatever it was called. He could never forget how Woojin's lips felt on his own or on any other part of his body.

How right that felt.

Never forget how Woojin would stroke his hair whenever he was having a bad day.

How right that felt.

How Woojin would look at him like he was the best thing that ever happened to him.

How right that felt (despite Chan knowing he might as well be the worst thing that ever happened to Woojin).

Everything with Woojin felt right. Maybe even their parting was the right thing to happen.