I am 7

Part One: Identity

CHAPTER 1

"Deep breaths... deep breaths" I murmur to myself as I pace in front of what will be my room for the next few months.

Ugh... this isn't helping me. If only calming down were as simple as instructing oneself to do so..

I walk over and stand in front of my door, waiting for my access key. Above the entrance, a large glowing red "7" is etched into the metal. As I stand there waiting, I study the number and try to steady my breathing again, I am not doing a very good job at that. I finally start to realize that this is all real, that this is really happening and that from now on I will only be seen as a number. Who'd a thought that losing my entire self identity would be so hard. The worst part is, my name was one of the few things I liked about myself. Lily... a sweet name for a sweet girl at least that's what my dad always said.

Survival demands change. I can't remain the passive girl I was at home. I wish getting a back bone was as easy as buying new shoes from Styles but it's definitely not. Doesn't matter how hard I've tried to stand up for myself or what I think is right, people still seem to walk all over me. Up until now I've just accepted the fact I would always be the "nice girl next door" type. No, that version of me will not survive this place. In that moment I make a promise to myself to never be the girl I thought people wanted me to be but to be the girl that will do anything to survive. 

I hope that fragments of my true self still remain when this is all done. That when I see my brother again, I can still laugh with him and reminisce in the good ol days when dad was still with us and we would go to the corner store and see who could drink Freezies the fastest without getting a brain freeze. I, of course I was not very good at that game. God I miss Jack already.

Pacing is probably making me look like an idiot, I abruptly stop, attempting to regain composure. At every moment people are going to be watching me and judging every move, every decision, every conversation, and every shit I take (okay well probably not that) but it's going to feel like that. They will be watching me closely, assessing whether I'll prove a capable leader,  if I will be worthy to be on The Counsel. I need to gain their confidence, me life will depend on it.

I turn around and await to be given my ID chip. Glancing arround, I notice that there are a couple of other people down the hallway waiting in front of their assigned rooms. Ill be curious to see how things play out at orientation later. Choosing allies wisely is crucial, especially this early into things.

Several doors down from mine, there is a middle aged woman whose dark hair is pulled so tightly back in a bun I think her eyes are going to pop. She is talking to one of the fellow chosen and then inserts a needle into their arm, an ID chip. I watch her make her way through several people before finally approaching me. Her fake smile makes me sick, is this my world now... no real interactions with anyone.

"Hello....7" she says, after her gaze flickers to the number above my door.

"Hello" I say firmly, vaguely matching her smile. I make note that  this is the first time I have been called by my new designation because a number could never be a name.

"Welcome to Absalom we are all so delighted to have you here." her tone is mechanical. I then have the thought of how many times she has given this speech today. How many people's identities was she the first to take away? "My name is Julie. I am the head nurse of this facility. Feel free to come to me with any questions or concerns you might have."

She opens the small tray she is carrying and puts an ID chip in the needle.

"Please, hold out your wrist please so I can give you your ID chip. This part will be painless"

"Ok" I extend my wrist towards her and watch as she slides the needle right under the skin of my right wrist. I hold her eye contact the entire time and think about her words. This part will be painless, I wonder what she is referring to, what secrets she knows that I will soon find out.

"Here in Absalom, there are no door knobs, instead ID scanners will grant you access. So from now on you will have to wave your wrist in front of every entryway to gain access." She demonstrates this by waving her wrist in front of my door pad. Sure enough it opens right up.

"There will be a couple of doors here in the main hall that will remain closed to you until you reach level 2. Orientation will be held in one hour. Goodbye and I hope you enjoy your time here in Absalom " she doesn't even wait for me to respond before turning around and heading down the hallway towards the next person.