Beginning
At the age of eleven, I'm not allowed to play like other kids on my age. I'm not allowed to touch my dolls, my cooking set toys, to play outdoor games like hide and seek, lay in grass, or play mud and build a castle. I'm not allowed to be a kid because my mother is a perfectionist. My mother, Adelaide Vortaliza is a former Beauty Queen and a Veteran Actress and she was known in our country for her beauty, for being classy, and her elegance. People love the way she carries herself with elegance. People love the way she talks, she walks, the way she carries herself in front of everyone. So she told me after my tenth birthday that I should act like her, that I should imitate her. She told me to laugh quietly while covering my mouth, that I should speak with a calm voice, never curse and never raised my tone. That I should wear long dresses with collars, with jewelry on parts of my body and avoid clips on hair. She even bought me a bunch of make up skin care things even though I don't have any pores or pimples because my skin is not that sensitive. Her gift on my tenth birthday is the make up kit that she bought abroad.
Nakakapressure maging anak ng isang katulad niya. I love my mother, okay? But I don't like the way she controlled me, the way she handles things for me, the way she wants me to be her. Pakiramdam ko wala akong kalayaan. Papaano ko makilala ang aking sarili kung gusto niya ay maging ako siya. Aniya, wala raw dapat magmana ng titulong hawak niya sa industriya kundi ako lamang. But I don't like to be her. I don't even have an interest in pageants or acting. Mahirap isipin ang pangarap sa edad na onse anyos, basta ang alam ko nais ko lang...maglaro. Iyon lang.
Kung nandito lang si Daddy...
My late father, Armosolo Vortaliza is a retired Lieutenant in the Philippine Army who died last year due to cancer. He is my best friend, my human diary, my companion, my first love...
He taught me about guns but never made me touch it, he just taught me some basic knowledge about it. He taught me to play instruments. He is the one who reads stories for me so I will fall asleep every night. He is there to play sand castle for me every time we go to the beach in a family outing. He lets me pinch his cheeks every time we are fighting so I can release my frustration. He bought jumpsuits for me because he knows I don't like dresses, it's a hindrance when we play because dresses are too long. He was there when I needed him in a school activity and would attend personally. He would make pancakes for me every breakfast but never put syrup on top of it. He knows I love to draw something. He even told me that I am a princess, and the princess should have freedom. He is the best dad for me.
I stare at myself in the whole body mirror while wearing a collared white dress, an old dress from my Mom. It is perfectly fit for me. I rolled the long sleeves on it and caress my braided long hair. Ate Mila braided it earlier. Nang makuntento sa pagtingin sa sarili sa salamin ay naupo ako sa wooden chair at sumilip sa bintana habang nagpangalumbaba. From here, I see Tobias, Brenda and Carmen playing outside. Naghahabulan silang tatlo nang may grupo ng kaedaran ko pa ang dumating at nakisali sa laro. I once meet and get played with them so they are familiar. Nakaramdam ako ng matinding inggit nang marinig ang halakhakan nila.
The door suddenly opened. Mabilis akong umayos ng upo nang magkatinginan kami ni Mommy. She quietly closed it while checking what I'm staring outside. She sighed out of disappointment.
"Lucy."
Her calm yet cold voice sent shivers down to my spine. I look at her and force myself to smile...without teeth. According to her, it's more attractive to a woman to smile without showing her teeth. Tsk.
"Mommy...?"
"Nothing, I just want to remind you that your Uncle Jackson will come over maybe later? Walang eksaktong oras ang ibinigay ng Uncle mo kung anong oras siya darating pero pakiusap hija, magpakabait. Please behave or you will sleep again in the attic." Mommy warned me.
