Vignettes from my Crazy Life

$50 into $500

California. It's the golden state. In two hours I could be in Sequoia National Forrest or laying on a beach along the Pacific Ocean. Or, sweeping broken glass off of my driveway from a smashed car window.

Late July 2014 we planned to take a weeks vacation and head for a nice beach in the southern part of the state to camp, relax and have fun. I was looking forward to visiting my favorite bakery and enjoying a lemon cupcake or French Macaroon. And, you can never go wrong with anything that's chocolate.

The SUV was loaded with happy people and their stuff: chocolate bars, marshmallows, graham cracker and Advil. The faint scent of tropical sunscreen filled the air. Sleeping bags and other miscellaneous bags were tossed and secured on top, or so Raymie told me.

Ah, Raymie. He's my other half. We've known each other over half our lives. He once asked me how I'd describe him so I indulged his request and he said I described a homeless man: amazingly blue blue eyes courtesy of his Dutch heritage, a close kept goatee and wavy hair cut short because he hates the curls. And, most importantly to me, he looks incredible a little grungy with a 5 o'clock shadow and dripping in sweat. I'm certain it's this last bit that he doesn't fully appreciate. If only he could see himself through my eyes.

"Mom, we're leaving. I'll text you when we get there in probably about three hours since Raymie said he'd drive." I say.

"It would be longer if Pecher drove," Raymie states as he bends over to hug my mom.

"It's better for everyone if she doesn't drive," mom replies with a laugh. "You know she only parks to the left and can't back up."

"Hey, I'm a good driver. I've never gotten a ticket which is more than I can say for either of you."

I give my mom a kiss and hug and walk out the front door and take my spot on the passenger side. Nicole and Renee take the middle and TKay gets the rear. The adventure will officially begin when we pick up Dougie on our way out of town.

Five minutes from home Raymie looks in the rear view mirror. "Oh no! Oh shit!"

"What?" I question as I turn my head to look behind us on the freeway.

"The damn sleeping bags blew off," replies Raymie, clearly irritated but still trying to remain calm. He knows that if he panics then I'll certainly panic.

He pulls over to the right shoulder of the freeway to secure the remaining articles stowed up top. Being the inspector I am, I exit from the passenger side and look northward on the freeway to view two bundled sleeping bags near the median about 500 feet away and another opened bag draped across the freeway. I notice no cars coming so, without any forethought and leaving all good reason behind, I dart across the freeway to retrieve said items. I hear my name being screamed until it's quickly muffled by the sound of automobiles passing at 70 mph. Suddenly, I feel small, but no turning back now; I'm on a mission. I run to retrieve the two bags laying near the median and then contemplate the third for a long second. It kills me internally to leave it there but traffic has picked up and I decide against getting it. It will have to be sacraficed.

With the other two bags in hand and me feeling almost victorious, I quickly run back to the spot that would be the shortest distance for me to cross to get back to my car. As I'm walking I notice a big red truck has pulled behind us and is also parked on the shoulder. I think to myself, "How nice. Someone stopped to help." Upon getting closer, I noticed the back window in my automobile. It's missing! The entire rear end smashed! "Oh no!" I though out loud. I timed my sprint back across the freeway just right and made it back to 'safety.'

"Just get it the car," Raymie states protectively and with much authority in his tone. My eyes dart around in observation. One of my life's philosophies is this: there can only be one belligerent person at a time in a time in a particular situation. Well, the driver of the giant red truck had beat everyone to the belligerent card and was playing it fully well. And, he had reason after all. When I ran across the freeway, Raymie, and I guess everyone else in the car, panicked. So, Raymie decided to back up to try and get as close to where I was as possible. In doing so, he backed up into the giant red truck that was speeding up to enter the freeway. Minus one point from Raymie's drivers license  - I'm glad he still has two more.

In no time two highway patrol officers are at the scene and I exit the vehicle in an attempt to provide moral support. Once again, I'm met with, "Just. Get. In. The. Car." He growls. And, he adds "Stay there," for good measure. Oh boy, we're not even out of town and I'm in so much trouble already. I sit back down in the passenger seat and put on my sunglasses and pretend to relax. Inhale. Exhale. Breathe.

I see the giant red truck and one officer leave while Raymie continues to talk to the other officer. Raymie is a usually a quiet guy but once he gets going he can talk a wooden mans ear off. I watch through the rear viewer as they shake hands and Raymie returns to the drivers seat and makes no attempt to leave just yet. The officer approaches my window and begins to address me. Great.

"Hello officer," I state nicely. In my effort to not get scolded I flash a sweet smile and take off my shades so he has to look me in the eyes. It doesn't work; he must be a seasoned veteran immune to all forms of feminine trickery. Damn.

"It seems we received several calls about a female matching your description running in the freeway. What can you tell me about this?"

"Ummmm, I had a purpose," I state cautiously. "It just wasn't random running Officer. I was trying to retrieve the sleeping bags that blew off the car because I didn't want to buy new ones."

"Do you think this was a good idea young lady?" He asks.

I thought it was genius actually. "Well, I...," I'm cut off.

"It's a simple yes or no question," he states. 

Stop judging me! Admitting defeat I quietly state, "No," and I leave it at that. Sometimes less is more. I put my glasses back on trying to hide my defeated gaze.

"You know, you scared him," the officer states as he cocks his head towards Raymie. "And everyone else in this automobile. If you hadn't made the brilliant decision to risk your life to save a couple of $50 sleeping bags, you wouldn't be in this position now. How much is your deductible?"

"$500," I answer.

"You managed to turn $50 into $500."

Sarcasm doesn't suit you officer; it's my thing. Back off. "Yes sir," I sigh.

"You guys are free to go. Be careful, he says and we drive off.

"But officer," I state already knowing the answer, " Could you just go and get the other sleeping bag for me?"

His response was a very firm, "No."

I had to try.

"What do you want to do now?" Raymie asks.

"Are you kidding me? I'm already working on plan B. Let's go get the van. We're going camping dude."

We head back home and transfer all the stuff from the smashed car into the van and head out to pick up Dougie. News travels fast too. You know you're in trouble when your friends parents come out of the house using your full name as they scold you. "De Pech Er!" What are you thinking! Mija, you could've been killed," the mom states as she kisses both my checks. "Don't scare Raymie like that again! You hear?"

"Yes ma'am."