My Midnight Thoughts

1: Over Others

When I talk to my closest friends, I can't help but compare. Compare how different our lives are, how much distance separates us.

When we are so close to each other yet so far from one another. Don't get me wrong, I love these friends but I can't help but drift away feeling like I don't belong. But that's beyond my point.

When I'm with them, I see what I lack. To the point that I just sit there and reflect. How we have almost the same goals yet so different paths we'll take one day.

I'm an insecure person. I'm ugly and average. No matter how much effort I put and how many times I try, I always end up the second of not the third best sometimes even the fourth or fifth. It is high, indeed, but light only shines on those at the top. Hands only reach out the highest and best.

I want to cry.

I want to cry because of my life and how the world works. And that is why I read. Because, I'd rather cry about fictional problems and learn from those. Than cry about my own life that I can't do anything about.

I'd much rather sob over other stories knowing they aren't me, knowing that it hurts but it doesn't affect me. Knowing that the life of a character failed but it's not mine. Cry. I'd much rather cry out of pity and sympathy rather than hopelessness and hurt for me, my family.

But, don't get me wrong; I am thankful for what I have. But, I just can't help but see what others have that I need but can't have.

I want to study medicine, in the best school there is, with the highest level of education. But I know I can't. And I won't force it. I will study at the school I can and I will study hardest.

Thank You, Lord Jesus Christ. For giving Your child a chance at a decent life, with proper education, supportive mother, kind and loving grandparents.

But, I won't cry. 'Cause at the end of the day, it's not about opportunities, it's about what and how you make out of those doors that open. Maybe it's not the best, but you can be the best.

It's not about what you have and what you don't. But, it's about you. How you choose to live, how you choose to thrive, survive.

So, don't blame the world for what you don't have. Instead, show them what you did and what you'll do with what you had.

- ILE -
💛

Paragraphs are short to give you time to reflect and write how you feel about those few sentences.