You're dead. And a mortician is going to prepare you for your funeral. He's quite a yapper.
“Hello!” Taehyun greeted cheerfully, putting his gloves on. “I’m your mortician. Right now I’m going to check if you’re alive, okay? Great. I’ll be asking you a few questions. First, are you breathing?””
Silence.
“Alright, thank you for answering my question.” He says, then proceeds to check your pulse. “Next question, are you warm?”
“Well, you’re freezing cold. That means that you’re probably dead.” He confirms, then pulls out a chart to check off the signs of the deceased. “Next question, are you responsive?”
Another silence.
“Hm, no response? Yup, you’re indeed dead!” He confirms, checking off another box. “Next question, do you have a visible injury?”
“Well I don’t see any visible signs of a major injury. I’m going to check your body for anything else.” He mumbled. “No signs of injury here, it seems.”
“I’m going to check your neck next, alright?” He began moving his gloved hands on your neck and feeling around for signs of injury. “No signs of injury here either… good!”
“Now I’m going to check your body for any signs of blunt force trauma!” He placed his hands on your chest and arms before lightly pushing and pressing to check for any kind of injury. “No signs of injury here either. You were in perfect condition, huh?”
“Last question! Do you have any signs of decomposition?” Taehyun checks your body, looking for any obvious signs of decomposition. “You don’t seem to have any signs...”
“Alright, it’s official. You’re dead!” He cheered. “And now, I’m going to give your body a good ole wash! Don’t be shy, I won’t look at anything inappropriate. Just close your eyes and play dead for this one, okay?”
“I’m going to move your limbs around while I wash you, alright? Just pretend like you’re a ragdoll!” Taehyun says, grabbing a washcloth and wetting it before proceeding to carefully and gently wash your body.
“You were a pretty clean person… you don’t smell at all, which is quite unexpected for a corpse!” He commented as he finishes up washing your body. “Next is the make-up process, okay?”
“I’m going to fix your hair first, alright?” Taehyun says, gently ruffling and fixing your hair. “Okay, now I’m going to moisturize your body and apply some make-up to you. Don’t worry, I’ll make you look very presentable.”
“I’m going to use this foundation on your face… it’ll help make your face appear more alive and natural!” He says, dotting the foundation on your face. “I’m going to use a few more cosmetics and when I’m done you’ll be looking good as new!”
A few minutes later.
“Okay, I think I’m done!” He beamed, taking a step back to admire your face. “You’re looking very nice, if I do say so myself! Just a few more final touches and you’ll be perfect for your funeral in no time!”
“I’m going to fix up your body now… just hold still, okay?” He says, adjusting your body to make it look more natural and presentable. “Aaaand, done! Look at you, all clean and dolled up!”
“Now I just have to dress you up for your funeral, okay?” Taehyun says, then rummages through a closet. “I think I have the perfect outfit for you… ah! Here we go!”
“Hold still, okay?” He began to dress your body. “You look good in this… it’s a shame that you’re dead. You would’ve made a great dance partner.”
“All done!” Taehyun exclaims once he finishes dressing you up. “You look very pretty right now, all dolled up and everything! I think you’re ready for your funeral now, but first…”
“I just have one question for you. Do you have any special requests for your funeral?” Taehyun asks. “Any songs you want to play at your funeral? Last words?”
Silence.
“No? Okay then.” Taehyun says as he carefully picks you up and begins to carry you on his shoulders. “You’re quite light… You must have not eaten much, huh?”
“Ah, no time to think about that. You’re going to be late for your own funeral!” He then carries you towards a coffin. “The coffin is already prepared for you. All we have to do is place you in… okay, you’re going to have to hold still a little bit, okay?”
“Good, you’re staying still!” Taehyun says, then slowly places you down on the mattress in the coffin. "I’ll close the coffin now, okay? Just wait a moment."
“And there we go!” He closed the coffin and putting the lid on. “Now you’re comfortably packed, all ready for your funeral! I’m sure your family and friends will love to say their last words for you!”
[The End!]
