something about you- lena oberdorf

VIIII.

„Ally! There you are! Omg, did you kiss someone yesterday?"
Smilla asks excited, as soon as I enter the room again.

„Uhm no." I simply answer, but with my heart racing.
I stopped kissing people on partys a while ago. Because, just like I said, every single time I regretted it and definitely not enjoyed it at all.

„Why are you never ending up with anybody?"
„Bro got no game!" The others start to joke around. I pretend to laugh, when sitting down on the kitchen counter.

But it's the fakest laugh I am able to bring out of myself. I don't understand the pressure of having to be with anybody at partys, kissing or even fucking. I don't get it, like whats so interesting about it? I tried it a couple of times and I still can't comprehend.

I can feel my thoughts numbing my surroundings and twirling inside my head.

Yes, I still do relationships. I still think it's cute. Do I?
Should I be with anybody? Is there anybody I could potentially get with and I just don't recognise it? Do I want to be with anybody?
No, I mean Yes, but with who do I want to be? And what should it be? A relationship? A single fuck? Enemies to lovers? Friends to lovers?...

All of a sudden I feel a tap on my shoulder. It's Kiara trying to reach the sink I am sitting in front of.
„Hey, could you move please? I want to get myself some water." She asks just so politely.
„Oh yes of course. I'm sorry I was just thinking."
„You're thinking a lot recently, do you?"

Yes, about an professional football player, what else?
I wish I could tell her.

„I don't know, do I?"
„You seemed so off the last days...not like you were before."

Fuck, she knows me too well.

„The others and I wondered, so I thought I'll just check on you, just in case you need the help. I know the fact of Toby's mother being sick, is very hard to cope with. I mean I struggle too. We all do."

Well, okay they know when I'm not normal, but luckily they haven't got the power of reading my mind, yet.

„Yes. It's a really hard time, but I think we will get over it. Together. As always!" I try to sound positive and optimistic, to not make me sound suspicious, that it could be anything else.

I don't know for how long I want or have to keep this secret from the others, but It's slowly getting harder and my mouth has all the words in it but my lips are keeping it shut. I know it's for the better.
-
The day is slowly passing by and the sun starts to set. Lily and Toby are cooking pasta for us, while we intensely choose a film to watch.

„Nah bro I ain't watching a romance. Thats gross."
„Rick you literally have a Girlfriend shut the fuck up!"

Discussions like these went on for more than 15 minutes and we came to the conclusion to not watch any film at all. Instead we played Mario Cart. But that didn't really help with minimising the discussions.

-
I slowly get bored of playing games, so I decide to take some research on Obi. Is start googling her name and end up on her Instagram. I go through all her profile analysing every single Story or picture. She posts alot, I realise. She shows much of her private life, and of course there's a post about her games every week.

Abruptly my friends start to scream, and snap me out of my little stalking project.
„Holy fuck, you scared me! Why are y'all screaming?" I startle.
„I FUCKING WON AGAINST YOU BRO!" Toby screams at Rick.

It's making me feel a mixture of feelings. On one hand i'm happy that Toby has moments where he seems like he can forget about his mother, but in the next moment I realise that this is just temporary and all his worries will come back soon.

The others calm down eventually and I continue to stalk the girls Instagram. My eyes twitch to the bottom of one post and my heart disappears in my pants. The like button is red. I must've had accidentally clicked it, when the others scared me. The fact that this was an post from 2 years ago makes it even more cruel. 

Right when I want to redo my misfortune, I get a pop up notification at the top of my screen.

@lena_oberdorf has requested to follow you.

Shit. She noticed. Why is she so fast??

I close my phone, not wanting to come of even more as a creep, if I would accept the request right away. To get my thoughts of off her, I play Mario Cart with my best friends the rest of the night and don't take a little glimpse at my phone.

authors note—
- obi tore her cruciate ligament :( wishing her a speedy recovery ! <3