New Home (Stargate Atlantis fanfiction)

19 I just want to be happy

To say Elizabeth was worried was generally an understatement. A huge understatement. She was worried about noon. Now, late morning, she was beyond worried, closer to panic actually. John has left in the afternoon without taking so much as a coat. All his things stayed in his room. He couldn't get very far without money or documents, yet he still didn't come back. She waited all night for him.

When she heard the door close she jumped on her seat. She took off to the hall just to see him come towards her. She stopped and watched him closely. He didn't seem to have any injuries. He was fine. When that thought dawned on her she felt some tears well in her eyes.

"John..."

He must have noticed her distress because his expression softened even more and he closed the distance between them and encircled her with his arms. Then he put his face into her hair and started gently stroking her back.

"I'm sorry, Elizabeth." He whispered into her hair just barely loudly for her to hear. "I'm so sorry. I didn't want you to worry over me so much."

"It's ok, as long as you come back ok."She said happily through her tears. "Are you ok? Did it help you?"

"I will be ok, Elizabeth," he looked her in the eyes "I will be ok very soon. Can we talk?"

"Let me get some coffee first." She said detaching herself from his embrace and pushing him lightly in the direction of living room."

When she entered the living room a minute later with two cups of steaming hot coffee he was leaning on the couch and holding a warm blanket for her to come under. She handed him the cup and curled into his embrace under the blanket. It felt just right.

"She was my teammate." Started John after they were both comfortably seated. "Her name was Laura and she was 38. She was formerly in the Marine core, but transferred to the Air Force. She was brilliant and caring and funny and ..." He stopped like he couldn't find a proper word. "We've met more than four years ago. She was a great companion. Had an ability to lighten most of the situations. Her ideas saved my ass a few times."

"She must have been quite a woman."

"She was." He agreed with a smile.

Elizabeth waited for John to talk about what happened. She didn't want to push him since he was the one to come to her and offer this information by himself. He was silent for a linger while and then he started again.

"We were trapped. On our last mission. Some trap leftover from one of our long dead adversaries. We were trapped and she sacrificed herself to shut the damn thing off." He spoke the last sentence with a very tight voice.

Elizabeth sensed his distress and just cuddled more into him. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

"It shouldn't have been her."

"It shouldn't be any of you, John." Said Elizabeth with a certainty. "What happened was nobody's fault."

"I was the commanding officer and it was me who activated the trap."

It was the worst problem in this whole situation. He should have never activated the device in the first place. And he should have been the one to figure a way to get them all out safely.

"Would you have succeeded in freeing you all if it was you who tried?" She asked after a quite long while. Elizabeth all right, always trying to get to the most important part.

"No." He admitted. He was the one the machine targeted. He would have been dead as soon as he went out of the hiding. "I would have archieved nothing." He said truthfully.

"Then she was right in what she did." John felt Elizabeth became more and more relaxed and caught her mug just in time to put it down. She was getting more and more sleepy. He could understand her desire to sleep, she did, after all, spend the night worrying for him. "Because of what she did you're still here..." she mumbled before succumbing to sleep.