Push

49. She Took the Lead

❤️ Content Warning ❤️
Sexual Scene

GWEN

Night crept across the hotel room. It wasn't pitch black. Hints of busy city lights and the glow from rooms in the building across the street filtered through the drapes. Toby's silhouette was rigid on the bed beside me. Our room was silent. Every so often, laughs and voices drifted past to disappear behind closed doors, but Toby didn't say a word.

He'd been staring at the same spot on the ceiling for at least an hour. No laughs. No jokes. Just...nothing. He was lost somewhere in troubled thoughts.

I inched my pillow closer, reaching for him, my hand only brushing his shoulder before falling to the cold sheets.

"It's going to be okay," I whispered.

My words weren't convincing. Even I could hear the wobble of doubt in my voice. How many more battles could we fight? How much longer could we tread water when we were drowning in never-ending drama? All we ever seemed to do was dodge obstacle after obstacle.

And yet...

We were still hanging in there. Somehow. Against all odds. Against the constant threat of keeping too many secrets and never quite being ready to trust that our feelings for each other were enough.

I braced myself on a crooked elbow and let my eyes wander over Toby's face. He was scowling. Serious. It was almost like looking at a stranger.

"Grumpy bear," I teased him softly.

Tentatively, I smoothed my finger over the crease knitted between his brows. His scowl was stubborn, but he gusted out a breath, and some of the tension melted from his shoulders.

I bit back a shaky smile. I was on the right track. I trailed a finger down his stubbly cheek. His eyes fluttered closed, and his hand curled around mine, gripping tight, pressing the warmth of my skin against his cheek. I smiled wider. My snuggly teddy bear was still in there somewhere.

"I love you," I whispered.

Toby's head turned on the pillow. His frown faded, but he didn't break out with a grin like he usually did or whisper a quick 'I love you more.' Haunted eyes stared back at me.

My heart was a sad thud in my chest. Was this how helpless Toby had felt when I'd shut him out after losing my job last year? Had he felt the same hollow ache when all his sweet words and efforts had just soaked into the miserable sponge I'd become? I hated that I'd played a starring role in our downfall, and even hours ago, I'd still been forgetting my lines. Trust was shaky. Opening up was hard when almost every experience I'd had growing up was being let down. Faded memories of a crappy childhood didn't disappear just because I'd gotten older. But what was left to lose now? Not much.

I dipped my head, my nose grazing Toby's cheek before I kissed him on the same stubbly spot. "I really do love you," I reassured him.

Toby's lips parted with a soft sigh.

I smiled. He liked that. He sighed again when my hand petted the cotton T-shirt he'd thrown on before bed. He liked those cautious touches even more. It wasn't surprising. I'd snuck a peek at the book on love languages that Toby's therapist had given him. He'd highlighted a fluorescent yellow circle around the chapter titled 'Physical Touch' and scribbled in a note that said, 'Me.' He was a touchy-feely kind of guy. He'd always liked showing affection. Maybe some gentle encouragement would coax him out of his gloomy shell...

"You're so handsome," I told him, popping a kiss on the tip of his nose. He blinked up at me, a bit like Noah did sometimes, listening, trying to figure me out. Did he need to hear some more sweet words? "I never imagined you'd get any cuter than when we first met. You always wore such a big proud smile after you got your braces off." A thrill skated over my skin when my fingers traveled along the sharp edge of his jaw. "And then you grew up... Got all these nice angles..." I kissed his chin. "So handsome."