Nights With-Out-You

Chapter One: No Chance For Us

TW: This chapter talks about an eating disorder and other uncomfortable topics such as abuse, death, and substance abuse.

Before the story starts, I am open to feedback and constructive criticism, and I will review the comments and talk about any confusion you may have, I do understand I am a little messy at times with the way I write. I hope you enjoy the story!

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I wake up to my phone still adjusting to my surroundings. I had set an alarm earlier than usual because of school. The room recently painted and decorated had light grey walls with a big clock, I had slept on the couch in the front room so obviously I had felt uneasy waking up.

The couch was alright it is beige and I slept on the bigger one, though me being 5'4 my feet hung off of it a little. The T.V. was off as I did not like it being bright while I tried to sleep. I have trouble falling asleep as I tend to overthink a lot at night time.

But that wouldn't matter. Today would be an average one like all of the others, well at least while I was at school. I don't really fit in. Yes, I have friends but I always feel like the weird kid at school. When I am not at school, I feel different but I still felt like I needed an escape.

I finally decided to get up after waiting a few minutes, I look back at my phone to make sure I had turned off my alarm before leaving and that I just didn't accidentally hit snooze. It would be an issue if it woke everyone else up in the house as I got up at 6:45 and all but one or two people would be awake by then.

Last night I spent the night at my childhood best friend's house. His mother and my mom are best friends. And I would stay over a random mix of days during the week so I hadn't had to see my now ex step-dad. He was awful. He had always been verbally abusive-mostly when my mom wasn't around- but he was at times physically abusive too.

My mother had been with him since I was about five, and she filed for divorce about two weeks before I had turned 12. I am 14 now and things have been a bit better. She got with him a few months after my father had passed. She never talks about my dad but I know even if they hadn't been in a relationship when he had passed that she loved him more than she'd lead on.

I get out of my thoughts and brush my dirty blonde hair, most would say I need a haircut because it is down to my lower back but I liked it that way, though when I did go for a haircut, I cut it to right below my boobs. I wouldn't describe myself as skinny I weigh 145lbs but my goal is to get to about 120lbs.

My best friend James' dad, Dave always commented about how I had a stomach or big thighs but when I did lose weight, he complimented me and then told me what else I needed to work on. I didn't like Dave in that way I hadn't really grown up with a father figure so he was the closest thing I had gotten to a father or at least that's what he had told me.

Then my teeth were the next thing I moved onto brushing I had recently asked my mom to buy teeth whitening toothpaste since I was worried about how yellow my teeth had been since there were days where I didn't feel like brushing them when I was younger or when I had drunk a lot of soda. As I am older now, I realize that it had come back to bite me in the ass, I don't like the plaque feeling on my teeth.

I always had told myself that, that is why I skip a day before eating a snack, but realistically I know that it is not the truth because I always catch myself looking at calories every time that I choose to eat something. I felt bad looking at a flavoring packet that was only 10 calories and thought I was gross for even considering drinking that before.

I snap out of my deep thoughts and try not to think. I then put on my uniform. It honestly was uncomfortable. It had a collar which made me extremely hot considering it could get up into the 90's outside around 10am and with their shitty A.C. unit throughout the buildings, it wouldn't help much.