𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐊 . . . 𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐭𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐝

𝟏𝟑. 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

13. beginnings and bad decisions

season three, episode five: nobody's clean

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"You wanted to talk to me, Nessa?" Alex asked as he sat down in front of her at an empty table in the corner of the library, away from anyone else that might even hear bits and pieces of their conversation.

Nessa nodded, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, sit."

Alex listened, as he always did. He tried his best to seem inconvenienced, but it didn't work. He missed Nessa.

"I'm going to ask you a question, Alex, and you are not going to lie to me." Nessa ordered him. "Because I already know the truth, and I really don't want to hear anymore lies."

"Okay?" Alex said uncomfortably as he shifted in his seat, feeling scrutinized.

"Why were you juicing, and did you buy from Bryce?" Nessa asked, and Alex froze. His eyes widened, and his face grew flushed.

"How the hell did you find out?" Alex asked. He knew that even if he wanted to lie, Nessa was the one person he just couldn't lie to. It was an impossible task for him.

"Justin saw you throw away a steroid kit." Nessa explained. "He came to me immediately, but I guarantee he already told Clay and Ani."

Alex scoffed, rolling his eyes as he pressed back into his chair. "Justin is the last person that should be coming down on anyone about fucking drugs." he muttered, and Nessa scowled at him.

"This isn't about Justin, Alex," she said sharply. "This is about you, so answer the questions."

Alex sighed, running his hand through his hair in ultimate frustration. "I didn't buy from Bryce. Holliday set me up with a guy."

Of course he did, because Luke Holliday was a fucking idiot. It actually made perfect sense to Nessa that he was juicing.

"Why, though?" Nessa asked, and Alex's eyes softened as he grew embarrassed.

"Why not, Nessa?" Alex snapped at her. "I mean, fucking look at me. I'm a skinny, sad kid."

"Alex, don't." Nessa said, but she knew she couldn't fix the insecurities that she created in him when they broke up. Even when she told him it was all on her, she knew where Alex's mind would go. She just never thought it would lead him to steroids.

"Nessa, we were together for over a year and you broke my heart." Alex said as his voice broke a little, causing Nessa to shrink in her seat. "It hurt, and I was looking for something to make sense of it all, something to make me more appealing to you so I could get the love of my fucking life back."

"Alex, I'm sorry." Nessa said tearfully, but he only continued.

"I was desperate, Nessa." Alex finished. "I needed something to make me feel like I was enough for you, because clearly I fucking wasn't."

"That's not the reason, and you know it, Alex." Nessa finally got some words in. "And I'm sorry that I caused all of this, I never wanted to. I loved you."

Alex's face fell at the last three words, he had never heard them out loud before in the past tense.

"Loved." Alex muttered as he grabbed his backpack, storming off. "Right."

Nessa watched as he walked away, sobbing into her hands, begging for something to take the pain and the guilt that she was drowning in right now, away.