Days without you

Chapter 6: Expected but not Expecting

Day 06

6th May 2024, Monday

It's been a total nightmare. Today marks the sixth day without proper rest, especially sleep. I'm honestly sleep-deprived. You know that feeling when you're utterly exhausted, on the verge of burnout, yet you push yourself to keep going with whatever tasks you have at hand. You're just drained, tired of everything and anything. When it's finally time to sleep, your brain refuses to shut down; instead, it keeps racing, while your soul feels absent, wandering aimlessly. It's as if I'm waiting for my soul to return after completing its errands so I can finally drift off. It feels like that.

I managed to grab about 45 minutes of sleep, or at least I think I did. I kept waking up every 5-10 minutes, so in the end, I gave up on trying to sleep. I got up straight away to prepare meals for Dad and the children, then proceeded to shower and get ready for work.

Time check: 05:30hrs

I wasn't expecting his text to come in so early today. Seeing him still awake at this hour makes me think he's been working too hard, probably late into the night. Look at what this offshore project has done to my baby lion. Physically here, but mentally elsewhere. He calls it "adult hide and seek."

I know he's doing his best to make time for me, and I truly appreciate it. Balancing everything is tough. I understand because I've been there. Being a multitasker is commendable; it shows your ability to manage things effectively. Hats off to you, honey.

His greetings this morning was extra special, coming in twice. I feel blessed to start my day with his smiles. Thanks, honey. On a side note, I woke up with a terrible headache, worried if I could even make it through the day at work.

Time check: 12:26hrs

Today, there's a noticeable difference in him. He's showing much more concern than usual. I feel closer to him, as if his eyes are on me all the time. He's checking in with me as often as he can. Meanwhile, things at work haven't been going well. There are loads of pending tasks, and I'm just exhausted. My self-esteem is plummeting each day, sinking lower and lower.

The weather isn't helping either. It's scorching hot, close to 32 degrees, making my headache even worse. I told him I felt like passing out and that the air felt suffocating. Tristan, on the other hand, seemed frantic when he heard I wasn't feeling well, worried that things might take a turn for the worse while he's away. He tried doing virtual breathing exercises with me, urging me to calm down and breathe slowly along with him, and advising me to take my medications.

God, Tristan, why do you have to go through all this because of me? I feel like such a burden to you. I don't want to take the medication because I'm afraid it will make me fall into a deep sleep, and I don't want to miss out on time with him. But he insists, and I can't refuse him.

We've been texting a lot today. It seems he's come to a conclusion that he wants to retire early so he can focus more attention on me and stop neglecting me, which he feels his job has caused. Tristan, I know you're serious, but it's not a decision to take lightly. I don't want you to risk regretting leaving your job or the company in the future.

Time check: 15:58hrs

The medication is starting to kick in, and I'm feeling drowsy and sleepy. This is not a good sign. How am I supposed to rest when there are tons of documents piling up on my desk that need to be cleared by the end of the week? I wish I could activate my AI and get it to do the job instead.

The headache just won't go away. It's incredibly annoying, like someone is in there playing drums in my head. It's so terrible that I feel like smashing my head against a concrete wall.