Stay Stay Stay ||Choi Yeonjun||

21

"I-I need to go... "

I push past Auntie and rush out. I hail a cab, eyes blurry with unshed tears. The cab deposited me in front of my apartment. I rush to get in, crying heavily at this point. A strong hand gently holds me. His soothing voice is whispering something, but I couldn't focus. What is he doing here? Why was he the one to see me like this? I pushed against him, but he only tightened his hold.

"What is it, dear? Tell me. Who was it? Tell me dear, I'll take care of it. "

I looked up into Yeonjun's chocolate eyes wide and frantic, flickering with concern. His other hand had come up to cup my cheek, wiping away the tears. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing cane out except an embarrassing hiccuping sob. Then I pushed my head into his chest, willing my mind to control itself. He held me close, murmuring sweet nothings.

He slowly urged me up the stairs, waited patiently as I fumbled the code to my apartment. Then he helped me slip off my coat, held me as I took off my shoes and proceeded to sit on my sofa.

The guilt was pressing in on me like a heavy weight, like I was pressed under the rubble and debris left after a calamity. I had prided myself on being a good supportive friend. But where had I been when Hana had gone through one of the most heart-wrenching periods of her life? Did I care so little about her? Was Jake right about me abandoning them? I'm so self-centered, I only saw my own side.

I was spiralling hard, the world was slightly spinning. Was she ever going to forgive me? Did I even deserve it?

"Okay, that's enough. Ahrin, please tell me what's going on? Who was it? "

His warm hand was on my back, rubbing circles.

"It's me Yeonjun. All this time, I believed myself to be the victim. But I was being so selfish and uncaring-, I'm truly the worst friend ever! "

"Wait, wait, wait! I don't get it. Calm down and tell me clearly. Should I get you some water? "

I nodded my head saying no. He urged me once more before I went on spilling everything. Yeonjun absorbed it all, looking thoughtful for a few minutes. Shame and guilt was eating me up, gnawing on my insides. My face was flushed and sticky from tears.

"Ahrin, I won't say I'm an unbiased party because the only side of the story I truly care about is yours. However, I would like to point out some things. Firstly, this is the first occurence where you weren't there to support her. Otherwise, you were always there for all of them.

Secondly, don't sweep away what you've felt for years. Their ignorance and neglect about you and what you were going through.

Thirdly, you said you texted her but she never replied. So, don't blame yourself. Maybe she wasn't in the space to reply to you, but you were also not in the know. You didn't know.

Lastly, I can understand your guilt. But if she's your true friend, I doubt she'll be mad at you. And the only way to know that is to call her. "

With this, he leaves me in a whirlwind of thoughts and disappear into my kitchen. About a good few minutes later, he places a cup of coffee in front me. I pick up my phone and call Hana. It rings for a minute then the line goes silent. Remorse crashes over me in overwhelming waves. She doesn't want anything to do with me. I take a sip of the coffee, willing my hands to stop trembling.

"It's alright, call her after some time. She might be busy. "

I just let out a sigh. The sombre atmosphere was cut through with my phone ringing. I scramble to pick it up seeing Hana call me back.

"H-hello? "

"Hey, Rinnie! Are you okay? "

"Yes, I-I'm fine. I—"

And then I just bawled my eyes out as Hana sat there on the other side completely confused and panicking and Yeonjun held my hand trying to calm me down.

Hana listened to my bawling patiently, but not for long.

"Wait, wait, Rinnie! Are you blaming yourself?! Girl, You texted me so many times. I just wasn't in the headspace to text you back. That's why you didn't know. It wasn't due to lack of trying on your part. "

"What-But I should've called you. What kind of friend am I? You went through depression, anxiety and stress, yet —"

"You couldn't do much. Rinnie, you know for a few months I didn't even talk to Jaehan. I realized what you and Jaehan were trying to say for my betterment. I was feeling so guilty. And they made me work so much, gave me so much stress. I saw your texts, Jaehan's calls, but I just couldn't pick up.

And then that day–, I, there was just.... I'm sorry Rinnie I can't talk about it yet. I was dying of guilt— for what I did to my baby, for ignoring Jaehan and you. I was so callous to you when you told me about your new job. I'm so sorry for all of it. I should've listened to you and Jaehan, I didn't and look what it cost me... "

Hana was sniffling on the phone. It must have been so terrifying to be there all alone, no one to help and just being so stressed with everything.

"Are you still in Busan, Hana? "

"Hmm... Jaehan's here too. We'll return in a few months. I just need some time. By the way, when I return we have to meet up. I want to know all about what you're up to. Jaehan did mention your new boss, mind you! "

I just giggle, still wiping away the residual tears. We change some other pleasantries before hanging up.

I feel light like a feather. Yeonjun is still sitting beside me, holding my hand. This man just makes me fall for him more and more, everyday. And that scares me so much. Even now as we are sitting together, I feel cocooned in his warmth. What would I do if he rejects me, or leaves me? I'm fine with just staying friends as long as he's near.

"I told you, if she's your true friend then she won't be mad at you. "

"I'm sorry you had to see this. Gods, this is embarrassing. "

"You saw me too. Did you think I was embarrassing? No right?! I don't think so either. "

We both drink our now cooling coffees. It suddenly stikes me. It was 7.45 when I returned home from Jake's. What in the hell, was Yeonjun doing here?!

"I wanted to bring you your gift. So I thought to give it to you today itself. "

I realized I had spoken my thoughts out loud. But Yeonjun didn't seem to mind. Instead he rummaged his coat pocket and took out a nearly wrapped box which looked too much like a jewellery box.

"I hope you'll like it. I'm going off now. Take care and a Merry Christmas in advance. "