A matter of perspective

Really?

She looked Harry straight in the eyes.
"Not even once?" she asked.
"Yeah," he said, bored.
"Never been jealous?"
"Never."
She let out a sigh of surprise. Not that she was truly surprised-it was Harry, after all. He wouldn't let himself feel something he deemed unnecessary or, as he said, "A waste of time."
"And I don't get it," he continued. "What's there to be jealous about? If you're sincere, there's nothing to fear. Otherwise, it's not worth keeping the relationship going. Ugh, just talking about it is tiring me, see? Being alone is definitely better."
She thought about it for a few seconds and concluded that Harry had never had the opportunity to get jealous because he never really cared about anyone else but himself.
But that was before he met her.
"You know," she said, "I think what you lack is a different perspective."
Harry looked at her, frowning. "Why would I care about someone else's point of view?"
She chuckled, resting her face on her hand. "Because, and I'm ready to bet on it, you were always on the other side of that jealousy. How can you be jealous of someone you never really cared about or someone whose name you couldn't even remember!" She pointed at his head, smiling. "You're seriously stuck in there, you know?"
"You're saying it like jealousy is something good."
"Oh, it is. Sometimes. It depends on how you react to it. And it can help you realize things."
"Sounds annoying to me."
She looked outside for a moment...maybe she could try? What was there to lose anyway? It could actually be a good thing. If he didn't react, then maybe there was no hope of cracking that ice armor that was Harry Choi.
"Harry...do you want to try?"
"What?"
"Want to try to imagine what it could feel like to be jealous?"
"Why would I want to try something that's supposed to be unpleasant?"
She raised her chin. "Because as humans, we tend to explore and try new things."
"No thanks."
She got up and sat right in front of him. "Aren't you curious about what all the fuss with jealousy is and why couples care so much about it? You've never been jealous because all the jealousy was directed at you and never the other way around. That's unfair."
"You're talking nonsense right now, you know that, right?"
"What now? The great director Mr. Harry Choi can't do a little work of imagination and introspection?"
He went silent for a few seconds, looking into her eyes.
"I still don't think that-"
She took her chance. "Now! We are friends, right?"
Harry definitely didn't expect that. "You're using yourself as an example? Don't you think you think too highly of yourself?"
"What am I supposed to use? Carrots? Or Big Guy?"
Harry winced.
"Are we friends or not?"
"I'm not sure that's how I would define-"
But she interrupted him again. "And you like spending time with me, right?"
"Well...I don't dislike it."
"...I'll take that as a yes. Now, try and close your eyes?"
"What now?"
"Close your eyes, Harry! Can you do that for me? Please? I promise I'll buy you a whole new brand of delicious carrots."
Harry shook his head. "Don't need to be so dramatic about it."
Unexpectedly, Harry really closed his eyes.
She couldn't help but smile, looking at him this close with his eyes closed and his frown gone.
"Try and visualize the thing you do with me that you like the most, okay?" It took a while-Harry definitely wasn't used to using his imagination, not in that way.
What did he like doing with her? Nothing specific came to mind, not immediately.
Just...being with her.
"It could be anything you want," she said. "Maybe we're just chatting on the phone, maybe we're taking a walk looking at apartment plans. Can you see me doing those things?"
"Right," he thought. He enjoyed doing those things with her. Like the first time they met. He remembered her smile, so overjoyed for whatever reason. He still didn't get it, yet a small, very subtle smile formed at the corner of his lips.
He nodded very subtly, almost didn't move his head.
"Yeah, we're having fun, we're talking, I'm doing what I do when I'm usually with you...but! Oh...what's that? Who's that person over there?"
Harry shook his head. "This is so-"
"It's actually another guy with me," she continued, and Harry went abruptly silent. "We're not together, and I'm not doing any of those things with you. Instead, I'm with him. We're smiling at each other, talking to each other. Maybe he can even make me laugh! We're walking side by side."
Harry, who until that moment had thought all this was incredibly useless, was actually surprised by how vividly the image she was describing was slowly taking form inside his head. It never happened to him.
He could actually see her, smiling with that warm smile of hers. The one he saw for the first time when they met. He could see her eyes shining with those sparkles whenever she would talk about something she was excited about. All those little things he thought she would only use towards him...were instead directed at someone else? Not him?
This anonymous someone...in his head, was taking all of her attention.
He felt like something was poking his stomach from the inside.
"He's being very informal," she said. "He calls me by my name, he makes jokes with me..."
At some point, her voice just faded away. The only thing Harry could see was this weirdly ethereal image in his head. This complete nobody was talking to her like it was nothing, like they knew each other for ages. Why was she smiling that way? Why was she laughing? And who's that guy anyway? Why is he so familiar?
Who does he think-?
Harry's stomach did a flip.
Was he-? Was he trying to hold her hand?
"And..." At that moment, her voice came back. "In all that...I'm not even thinking about you."
Harry opened his eyes and stood up so fast and so abruptly his chair fell down.
"YA!" he shouted.
His heart was beating so fast, his ears felt hot...it was like he was about to explode.
It took a moment for that image to disappear from his mind. All that was left was the silence of his apartment and the incredulous look in her eyes. She was staring at him with her eyes and mouth wide open.
He blinked a few times...what the heck just happened?
Of course, it wasn't real, of course it was just his imagination. Yet, it just made him feel so...so....
"Harry?"
The moment their eyes met, Harry felt a warm wave wash over his body. It started from his feet and traveled all the way up to his head and face. Never, in his entire life, had something like that happened to him. He put his hand over his mouth, looking at the floor.
"What the hell?" he whispered.
She stood up, trying to reach for him, but he walked away as fast as he could, trying to hide his face.
"I'm going for a swim."
"What?? Harry! Wait!!"
"Stop. Don't think about it too much, it was nothing. You can do whatever you want with whoever you want. It's not my business."
She grabbed him by his shirt, pulling with all her strength to prevent him from leaving.
"D-don't go!! I didn't mean to...I never thought you would be this...upset."
"I'm not upset," answered Harry, a bit too quickly. He clenched his fists. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't look at her face.
Her hands on his shirt were clenching so tightly he could feel their warmth.
"I wasn't expecting you to react like that, wow," she let out a nervous laugh. "What should I do?"
Was she making fun of him? He looked at her out of the corner of his eyes and...his mind went blank.
She was blushing like he had never seen anyone blush before. Her face was so red she could basically turn into a tomato. She was looking at the floor with the weirdest grin on her lips.
"I'm kind of happy..." she mumbled with a tiny pout.
Harry felt the strong urge to pinch those lips.
"There's nothing to be happy about. You're making your own conclusions. I didn't approve of any of them."
She pinched her lips, trying to contain the happiness that was building in her stomach like a balloon. "You're the one making assumptions. I didn't say anything!"
"You definitely are," he said. "I know you well enough. You're thinking something weird."
"Like what?"
"Like...like..." he gulped; those words just couldn't leave his mouth. "Whatever," he said. "I'm leaving."
But her hands wouldn't let go of him. "Seriously..." she whispered, getting closer and resting her forehead on his back, hiding her face. "I'm so happy."
Harry felt his face getting hotter; he basically couldn't move anymore.
"Why would you be happy about it?"
She answered with her voice muffled by Harry's shirt. "Because...it's you."
"I knew it would be unpleasant..." he said.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I know this makes you uncomfortable, but...just this time, let me stay like this. I promise I'll forget about it later. I'll keep it to myself just a bit longer, then I'll let it go like it never happened."
Harry thought about it...forget it, huh.
Like nothing happened.
Somehow, that wasn't what he wanted. Not this time.
"No," he said.
He turned around, looking at her dead serious, straight in the eyes.
"You have to remember this. I don't ever want to feel like that. So..."
He looked away, the back of his neck starting to tickle.
"So just make sure it never happens for real."
And he walked away.
She fell to her knees, placing her hands on her cheeks.
"Wow," she sighed. "I fell again."