Wish Upon A Sunset

Make It Stop

Emma

Eight Months Before The Accident...

"Oh, God, it hurts!" My arms strained from pulling the guard rails. Any strength I had left funneled into my death grip on the metal supports.

"Take a deep breath. Try to relax your arms." My mother leaned over me, her voice calm. I blinked tears away, trying to focus on her face. The serenity in her words didn't match the worry in her eyes.

"I can't!" I said through clenched teeth, back arching off the bed as another contraction twisted my insides. The smell of antiseptic nauseated me. Everything else blurred into agony and confusion.

"I'm going to check your cervix, okay, Emma?" The bed dipped at my feet. A nurse in pink scrubs lifted the blankets from around my legs and she sent me a small smile.

"Okay..." I whimpered.

After a quick examination, she covered me back up. "You're only 1 cm dilated."

Panic shot through me, but before I could reply to her statement, my mom beat me to it. "Are you sure that's a good thing? Considering she wasn't dilated at all when we got here?"

"Oh. Right." Her smile dropped, and she glanced at the other nurse behind me manning the Toco machine. "Let me go let Dr Carr know."

The nurse had barely left the room before I saw my mother hovering over me once again. Her round face, normally so calm and kind, was scrunched with worry.

"Why am I dilated, mom? I'm only seven months along."

"I don't know, Emma, but she's going to let the doctor know."

Another contraction slammed through my body and my fists pulled on the rails as my back arched again. The pain went from horrible to excruciating. I'd take a pre-planned c-section over this any day.

"I need it to stop, please!" As my body relaxed back onto the sweaty sheet, I heard the steady beeping of machines and quiet murmurs from the corner. The band for the Toco machine felt like a thousand pounds around my waist.

"You've got to give the steroid shot time to kick in. The doctor said to wait at least twenty-four hours." My husband's face floated above me, brown eyes intent. His perfectly swept hair annoyed me. He annoyed me.

"Can't they give me something for the pain?" I knew my voice was whiny, but why couldn't they understand?

"They've already given you morphine and a relaxant. They can't give you anything else yet. It's not good for the baby." Zach's gaze bordered on reproachfulness.

Contrition swamped me, but I was sure the pain would kill me before I could even meet her.

"The Toco monitor shows she's in active labor. I don't understand why her contractions are so intense," the nurse said, fiddling with equipment.

"Can't you give her something to stop them?" Mom asked frantically.

"I already did. It's barely touching it."

I glanced over at my dad and sister on the extra bed. His face was drawn; she kept looking between me, the nurse, and the machine. I wanted to comfort her, but pain overwhelmed me.

Agony ripped through me again. "I can't do this!"

Nobody answered. Anger built inside me as I looked for the nurse, still by that machine. "Make it stop!"

Her eyes widened, and regret instantly swallowed me. "I'm sorry," I swallowed hard right before I burst into tears. "I didn't mean to cuss at you. I'm just so tired.".

A hand gently enclosed mine. The nurse squeezed my fingers. "Don't worry about it. I would be cussing, too."

"You've just got to hold on a little longer," Zachary said.

"That's easy for you to say!" If he had just listened to me last night, maybe this wouldn't have happened.

Suddenly, a sharp stabbing pain scraped across every nerve ending, more intensely than before. My vision went white as my back arched off the bed.

"I can't breathe!" I tried to take a deep breath, but couldn't. "I can't breathe!"

Everyone hovered over my bed, expressions ranging from puzzled to nervous. The nurse was in my face. "Take a deep breath in. Then breathe out slowly."

"No! I can't breathe! I can't take a deep breath! And it hurts worse than before! What's happening?"

My mother stepped up. "Something's wrong! This is different. You need to get the doctor now!"

Just then, the door swung open and Dr. Carr stood in the entrance. "How are we doing in here?"

"She says she can't breathe. The pain is even worse now," my nurse explained.

Dr. Carr's eyebrows furrowed. "Alright. Let's get her wheeled into the OR. I'll meet you there."

The nurse handed me a thin blue scrub cap and I struggled to put it on with stiff hands, as the gurney moved towards the door.

"We're heading to the OR now," she assured me as we passed my family.

"Oh, thank God!" I cried out in relief.

"You'll be okay, baby. I love you!" Mom called, but I was already too far to answer.

We breezed through the double doors down the hallway. Blinding white lights shone from above, differing drastically to the gentle lighting of the maternity ward. The magnified antiseptic smell hit me, and nausea followed as I tried to breathe through it.

Two more nurses, already in surgical scrubs, prepped instruments by an operating bed. My stomach clenched, but I let them help me slide onto the table.

"Let's get you sitting up for the spinal anesthesia." Dr. Carr helped me upright. Fingers brushed aside my hospital gown before the sharp sting of the needle pierced my skin. After my long morning, it was barely noticeable.

Dr. Carr's eyes held compassion, but I caught the worry he tried to hide. "Let me know when you feel it kicking in."

Tingling from the medication soon traveled down my torso and my legs felt heavy. "I feel it working. I can't feel my legs."

"Perfect. Now let's get you lying down."

Dr. Carr steadied me as I leaned back. The table was small; my arms hung off the sides until nurses stretched them out on extensions. A curtain went up below my breasts, blocking my view.

A tall man appeared at the head of my bed, lower face covered with a surgical mask. "Hi. I'm Dr. Teigen, the anesthesiologist. I'm only here if needed, so don't worry."

I nodded, unable to speak past the lump in my throat.

"Just like before, you'll feel some pressure and tugging," Dr. Carr called from behind the curtain.

"Okay," I squeaked.

The tugging began—uncomfortable, but bearable. I avoided looking at the overhead light, not wanting to catch even a blurred reflection.

Moments later, a new pain hit me—sharp around my stomach and instantly nauseating.

"Dr. Carr, I don't know what you're doing, but I can feel it." The words came out like a croak.

"You can feel that?" Shock filled his tone.

"Yeah." I fought to take a deep breath against the nausea.

Dr. Carr's head appeared from behind the curtain. He looked at the anesthesiologist. "Go ahead and put her under."

Those were the last words I heard before my vision went black.