Power of Gods | Loki FanFiction

VII | control

"you should be scared of me"

Tw: abusive working conditions

I was grateful when I finally got to the training. Loki led me from the crowded, popular area where we met into the forest nearby.

He wanted to avoid the risk of me attracting too much attention and possibly even hurting people, which to be honest, was fair enough. So we took the few minutes to get to the other, less used training place.

I felt far from comfortable going to an unfamiliar place alone with a stranger, but as much as I knew, hurting me wouldn't get him anywhere. Still, I was prepared for anything.

"So... what will my lessons be like?", I asked as we reached the shaded area. Loki stood opposite me, a few meters away, while Jill observed us from the side. "We'll start right away with the basics. I am aware that you can fight very well, which gives us valuable time." He came towards me and began to circle me slowly, like predators do with their prey. I held back the questions that came to mind. "The power of thunder is one of the mightiest, but also hardest to regulate. It requires a high degree of self-control because, like most things, it is directed by the feelings of the person who holds it. So you have to learn to handle and regulate your emotions."

Wonderful. I had always wanted to avoid therapy. But I knew all about suppressed and controlled feelings, for better or worse.

"Pick a memory, one that is related to many strong emotions."

His voice was calm and warm. I closed my eyes somewhat reluctantly.

I remembered the young woman. She stood in front of me, her soft, blonde curls with absurd blue tips that made her eyes shine even brighter. I wanted to drown him in them.

I remembered the dim light that came up the stairs from the living room.
I remembered her scent, and how soft her skin felt beneath my fingers.
The way I wrapped my arms tightly around her waist;
The way her body settled against mine.
Then she pulled away,
looked at me.
A short kiss
"Thanks"

I didn't realize I was crying until I took a shaky breath. I opened my eyes and was immediately overwhelmed by a blindingly bright light. My whole body was electrified, surrounded by lightning that seemed to greedily lick at everything around me.

I terrified myself. I felt powerful, dangerous. But not in the good, confident way.

The ability to decide over life and death is a burden I was familiar with. I had made use of it many times, sometimes willingly, sometimes without my own consent. But never had it felt more like a curse than it did now.

How could I get rid of this? How could I stop myself from hurting others?!

I felt my power growing along with my terror.

I looked to Loki for help, trying to suppress the rising panic. "What do I do now?" He immediately pointed to a doll-like target a few meters away from me. "Direct all your attention at the mark," Loki instructed me. I realized he was trying to calm me down, but that only made it worse.

He was afraid of me. Or at least respected me. Either way, he knew how powerful I was; what I could do. I swallowed, trying to control my emotions. Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 8 seconds, exhale for 7 seconds.

My attention turned to the target. "It's like shooting without a weapon. Load, aim, and let go," he continued talking, while he pushed Jill further away from me for her own safety. I blocked out everything else around me and directed all the fear and sorrow at the doll. Then I let go.

The lightning bolts instantly jumped towards it, striking uncontrollably. I managed to hit the target... among other things.

~