Loving Her Was Red (RD #1)

Chapter 30

Dahan-dahang inalis ni Amor ang mga braso ni Prian sa kaniya at hinarap ako. Her eyes and expression were both blank.

I saw her walking towards me at iyon ang nagpahakbang sa akin paatras.

"H-huwag kang lalapit sa akin." Tumulo na ang mga luhang akala ko'y hindi na babagsak pa.

"Red—,"

"Do not call my name with that dirty mouth of yours." Mariing sabi ko, patuloy ang pag-atras habang si Amor ay humahakbang palapit sa akin.

"Sabi ko, huwag kang lumapit sa akin!" Pero huli na, nakalapit na siya sa akin kaya naman hindi ko napigilan ang dalawang kamay ko na sampalin ang parehong pisngi niya. Mabilis iyong namula dahil na rin sa maputi niyang pisngi at sa make up na mayroon siya.

"Putangina." Nanginginig na turan ko.

Hindi siya nagsalita. Nanatiling nakapaling ang mukha niya sa kung saan iyon dinala ng huling sampal ko.

"Red, what are you doing?" Akmang hahawakan ni Prian si Amor pero pinanlisikan ko siya ng mata.

"Huwag na huwag kang lalapit sa'min at baka ingudngod kita sa sahig na kakulay ng damit mo." Mariing sabi ko.

"Putangina niyo." Hindi ko mapigilan ang lumalabas sa bibig ko.

"Sweet and kind woman? Really? Iyon lang ang gusto niyong gawin sa akin? Bakit? Para magpauto ako sa mundo? Tangina oo nga ano? Nagpauto ako sa inyo. Nagpauto ako sa'yo!" Dinuro ko si Amor habang patuloy na lumalandas ang mga luha ko sa pisngi ko.

Wala na akong pakialam kung magulo man ang ayos ko.

"Red, please, let me explain." Amor was about to hold my hand pero marahas kong itinulak ang kamay niya palayo sa akin.

"Stop! Don't ever lay a finger on me. Diyan mo ko nakuha diba? You fvcking seduced me until I'm head over heels to you, until I fvcking submit to you at ang tanga ko para hindi maisip na pinlano mo lahat 'yon." Baling ko sa pinsan kong nanlalaki ang mga mata sa akin ngayon.

"W-what do you mean, Red?" Hindi makapaniwalang tanong niya sa akin.

"Sinasagot mo na siya?" Ulit ko sa sinabi niya kanina. "Then let me tell you that your girlfriend is also my girlfriend which will be my ex any minute now."

Sinubukang hawakan muli ni Amor ang braso ko para pigilan ang paglapit ko kay Prian peor hindi niya ako napigilan.

"Your girlfriend seduced me and fvcked me in all corners of our dorm. And yes, she satisfied me so much. Do you still want her? Someone who's already been used by me? Then she's all yours." I gave her a disgusting smirk before completely removing my arms from Amor's grip.

I went near Amor and our face are only a few inches away from each other. Direkta kong tiningnan ang mga mata niya and I made sure she felt every pain and anger I am feeling right now.

"We... are done." Mahina ngunit mariing sabi ko bago ko sila iniwan doon.

Tumakbo ako palabas ng school even with my 5-inches heels.

"A-ang cliché mo naman!" Dinuro ko ang langit nang magsimula itong umiyak kasabay ko. Malakas na ang ulan kagaya nang kung paano ito mangyari sa mga palabas sa sinehan at sa telebisyon.

"B-bakit ka ba nakikiiyak sa'kin?" Pagkausap ko pa sa langit.

"Ahh! Ang tanga tanga ko!" I screamed. Hindi na alintana kung basang basa na ngayon ang damit ko at ang katawan ko.

"Amor..." I called for her name as I looked back at where I ran from.

"Y-you're really not coming after me?" Just like what happened before, I never saw even a shadow of the woman I love.

Kahit ilang beses ko yata siyang takbuhan, hinding hindi niya talaga ako hahabulin. That's something so clear to me now. She will never do it because she never loved me. She did all of that just to prove herself to my cousin kasi iyon pala talaga ang nililigawan niya. Ang pinsan ko ang totoong gusto niya at ginamit niya lang ako para makuha iyon.

Umiingay na ang iyak ko, humahagulgol na ako pero wala akong pakialam. Mas malakas ang ulan kaya't walang makakarinig sa akin.

"Amor..." I called her name again but there was no one calling mine.

Kinapa ko ang dibdib ko, sinusubukang kuhanin iyon na para bang maalis ko bigla ang sakit na anraramdaman ko pero nagugusot ko lamang ang suot kong damit. I even punched it thinking it will change what I'm feeling but it didn't even feel even lighter.

I was just hoping for someone to call my name in this heavy rain but there was no one. There was no Amor in the middle of the rain looking for me. There was no Amor to even get me up and hug me, no one to tell me it'll soon be okay... that I'll still be okay.

"Amor..." I called.

Realizations came rushing. That's why she forbids me to call her Amor the first time I did. Her name that means love is really not for me.

A car's lights blinded my sight until a pair of white stilettos caught my attention.

"Red..." I looked up only to see someone I least expect the most.

The woman who wished for my happiness even if it means someone else is having me. Guess what? I didn't get it, Ferblue. I didn't.

"Ferblue..." 

Ferblue who once told me she likes me. The woman who first hugged me when I was crying is also the one who'll do it again. Hinayaan niyang bumagsak ang hawak niyang payong kahit mabasa rin siya, just so she could wrap her arms on me.

"Shh, I'm here Red... I'm here." She whispers as she caresses my back.

"She... she doesn't love me, Ferblue. H-hindi niya ako mahal, hindi niya ako minahal." I vented out. I let myself cry on her neck as she continued caressing my back and her hair also falls on it.

"I'm sorry." Here she is, the one apologizing for the things that doesn't concern her.

"I'm so sorry you're hurting, Red." she said. 

Lalo akong naiyak nang marinig iyon. She's the one apologizing and not Amor. Bakit hindi si Amor? Bakit hindi si Amor ang narito para yakapin ako? Bakit hindi si Amor ang narito para patahanin ako? Bakit hindi si Amor ang narito para magsorry sa akin?

I felt Ferblue's hand on my feet, she caresses it before removing my heels.

"You're bleeding." Ferblue whispers.

That's nothing compared to the pain I am feeling. Hinayaan ko lamang siyang tingnan ang paa kong dumudugo. Ni hindi ko iyon tiningnan. 

That night, all Ferblue did was to worry about me, care about me, even if that same night... I was hoping for someone else to do that. I was hoping that the student council president also worries about me, also cares for me. I was hoping for that fvcking student council president to hug me instead of Ferblue.

But I guess I am really not worthy of her love... and her hugs.

...

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RED DUOLOGY #1: Loving Her was Red
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