This is going to be one of my works that I don't edit or check or think about, just rant. In hopes to feel better, and maybe let you realize (if any of you ever feel like this, probably not because you're all beautiful) that you're never alone. In any situation.
So I was recently talking with my best friend about all of my self conscious issues. I always piss my male friends off when I complain and nitpick everything about my appearance, but I'm female so they get over it. He was trying to ensure me that I'm gorgeous, and when I walk into a room people turn heads and are left intimidated.
I almost cried on the spot.
For your entertainment, here is a list of things that run through my head when I walk into somewhere new.
"Fuck they're looking at how fat I am"
"I'm sorry you even have to see my face today"
"Everyone here is silently laughing at me"
"They think I'm emo and probably cut myself" (hey sometimes they're right)
"Please please please don't look at me..."
Essentially I feel the need to apologize when people look at me because my face is so unappealing. Sure I might have good eye makeup days or my hair might be shiny, but I am always on the verge of crying about something. So much anxiety. I just want to be accepted. And in the back of my mind I know no one actually thinks these things but I do and isn't that what matters anyway..
