from Me to You

I don't know how to start this, or even if I should start, I always avoided writing down my feelings, emotions, my days, and my endless nights.
Why you may ask ? Because I'm afraid of having to confront my dark side alone, afraid to relive the bad feelings that I carried, afraid to give them value and sense, so they turn out to be real.
I like living in my fantasy world where everything is unclear and unsure, I always thought if I don't write it down, if I don't see it then it's not real it's just in my head, I don't want to give my feelings power, I don't want to make them come true, I'd rather convince myself that I'm going insane, I'm delusional, it's not real and it's not true.
You convinced me to write, but for what reason ? To feel the pain ? To make it real ? Or to convince myself it's not true ? I must admit that I don't want to feel what I'm feeling, yet I want to feel everything, the emptiness kills me because what's the purpose of living if you don't feel ? It's like you're an empty vessel with no value and no purpose, what's the point of living if you're given something so good to then be taken away ? I guess in both cases it's not worth living for me.
If I lose your love then what do I have left ? If I lose your touch then what's the point of existing ? I loved you more than anything, I cared for you more than anything, I gave you all of me, my heart, my soul and my body, for it to end in a blink of an eye! That I can't accept and won't accept, i bet you know how much you meant to me, I bet you know how much I loved and cared, yes I can be a nuisance sometimes but aren't we all ?
If you leave now for good what's there left for me ? If you love someone new what's there left for me ? If you forget me what's there left of me ? I'll turn into ashes burnt by the flames of your love, the love that once was what kept me alive, it's now the poison that will be the death of me.
If I can't have you then why am I here ? If I can't be the only one you love then I should disappear.
I can't lose you, but what if I already did ? Will you come and pick up the pieces you left behind ? Will come and stitch me right back ? Would I be human again ?
You made me feel all sorts of things, it was one hell of a ride, but I liked the thrill, I liked the moments you made me smile, the moments you made me cry, the moments you made me happy and the moments you made me sad. Because of you I felt alive again, because of you I knew what love meant, because of you I knew what loss was like.
I can't be brought to life again, if it's not to be with you then I'd rather die, I'd rather die a hundred times than let you go, let go of the memories and feelings, I don't understand and I don't want to understand the reason why I can't be with you, because I'm ready to burn the world to get you, you are mine and mine only.
I get it im obsessed, I'm possessed, I'm high and I'm drunk, on your love.
I can't forget your eyes, your smile, your hands, your talks, I just can't, so please don't make me grieve your loss, don't make make me crave your touch when I can't have it anymore, don't make me miss the days and the talks that I can't get back anymore.
I love you I love you and I love you. I'll take a bullet for you just to prove my love.
I always end up hurting my own feelings and blame it you, but now you're hurting my feelings and I'll blame it on you.
I couldn't cry when you left because crying means I lost, you gave me a glimpse of hope and I'm hanging on it to not lose my mind, I convince myself everyday that you'll come back, I convince myself everyday that I don't miss you to not feel how heavy the days are without your presence, I convince myself everyday that it's not over, and I convince myself everyday that you still love me and want me. I hope I'm right.
I love you and I love you.