15 days

DAY ONE.

"you carry the fragments of every person you have ever loved, that is why you are now unrecognizable."

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sanegiyuu will be my first victim

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sometimes I think, well to be frank I think all of the time. but there are certain times where my mind wanders too far and I get lost in memories I do not wish to remember. and sometimes cold hard truths hit me like boulders rolling down steep hills. I remember things that I wish I never had. 

I remember, when sanemi and I had first gotten close, and I had gotten comfortable around him, I looked at him once, his smile, his smile that could light up a thousand rooms, his smile that could make the sun envious of how bright it was, I looked at him and I saw someone, someone that wasn't him. I saw my first love. I saw sabito. I remember going into a state of panic for a couple of seconds because I remember sabito being dead. I panicked, I started to think of how sabito would feel if he'd seen me move on. I told him once, when we were kids, that it would only be him, forever and ever, and I feel as though I lied to him. I have not been able to let that go. 

genya, sanemis little brother, reminds me a lot of my sister. I see her in him, his actions, everything he does, something resembles her a lot. his tenderness, maybe. the fact that I treat him as my little brother, maybe. genya is dear to me, he gives me some sort of comfort that is oddly familiar, maybe because he's like the little brother that I wish I could've been for my sister. he desires to protect, he wants to be something, he wants to be somebody. I wish I could've been like him, maybe if I had some of his determination then I could've saved her, maybe. 

There was a day, where sanemi had found a photo album I kept of me and sabito, and my sister. he found it and he showed me a picture from it, and compared it to a picture that he, genya and I took more recently. all I could do was stand there in shock. they looked just like them. genya and sabito have the same smile, that could light up hundreds - no - millions of skies, a smile that can heal the broken, they shared the same smile. genya , tsutako, their hands lay in similar poses, their tender hands, their soft faces, they also had similar smiles. I grabbed both photos from him and I couldn't help but cry. I cried. I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I saw them, I saw both of them behind my reflection. sabito and tsutako. I started to sob uncontrollably. then I saw it. 

I saw sabito instead of myself.

my cry, was just like his.

© gaarashrt