Heart of a rogue

* Chapter 31 -

Declan's POV

I stumble through the forest, each step heavier than the last. It's been a week—a goddamn week—and no sign of Lucille. The longer she's gone, the tighter the knot in my chest pulls. I can't eat, can't sleep. Every second without her is like a blade twisting in my gut. My wolf's been howling inside me, frantic and restless. I should've found her by now. I should have protected her.

But I didn't.

I reach a clearing, chest burning from the effort, and drop to my knees. The world feels like it's closing in, suffocating me with guilt. Abel, Joshua, and Alani aren't far behind, and the moment they catch up, I feel their anger, simmering and heavy in the air. I've been forcing them to search endlessly. My pack was angry, confused. Lucille wasn't a really nursing Luna, but they had come to love her. 

Especially Abel, Joshua and Alani had grew close to her. Even my sister, who hated her in the past. 

Abel's the first to speak, his voice low and cold. "It's your fault she's gone, Declan. You know that, right?"

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. I forced Abel through my command to keep his mouth shut about Nova. Whenever she was near, I didn't feel like myself. My wolf shouldn't be like that when I have my mate, it was all too strange. I try to breathe through the guilt, but it's too much. "I didn't want this... I didn't—"

"Didn't want this?" Joshua snaps, stepping closer, his eyes blazing with fury. "You're the reason she disappeared. You should've been there for her! She had it tough already, considering her past. Instead, you... you betrayed her."

My fists clench at my sides. He's right. They're all right. I knew that. I did betray her. Lucille—my mate, my Luna—and I fucked it all up.

Alani's the one who's been holding back, but I can see it in her eyes, the raw anger barely held in check. She steps forward, and when she speaks, her voice is thick with disgust. "How could you?" she hisses. "How could you cheat on her, Declan? She was your Luna! She gave you everything, and you threw it away like it was nothing. She never wanted a pack, but she did it, for you, for us! Do you even care that she's missing?"

"I care!" I shout back, my voice cracking. "I know I messed up. I haven't been eating, sleeping! I've been searching—"

"Shut up!" she roars, her wolf taking over as she lunges at me. I barely have time to brace myself before she's on me, hitting and scratching, her nails raking across my face, her fists pounding against my chest.

I could stop her. Hell, I could push her off with one arm if I wanted to. But I don't. Somewhere deep down, I feel like I deserve this. Every hit, every scratch—it's the least I deserve after what I did to Lucille.

Her fists slam into me, again and again, and I just let her. The pain is almost a relief. It's something I can feel, something real compared to the hollow ache inside me.

"Enough!" Joshua yells, rushing forward. He grabs Alani, pulling her off me. She's still snarling, her wolf fighting for control, her eyes wild with rage.

"You can't do that!" Joshua snaps, his voice harsh as he restrains her. "It doesn't matter what he did, Alani. He's still our alpha. Attacking him is treason."

She growls, fighting against Joshua's grip, but the fury in her eyes doesn't fade. "He doesn't deserve to be alpha after what he did. He doesn't deserve her."

I stare at the ground, blood trickling down my face from where she scratched me. She's right. I don't deserve to be alpha. I don't deserve Lucille. And now, I don't even know if I'll ever see her again.

"I'm going to fix this," I mutter, my voice barely audible. "I'll bring her back."

But even as I say the words, I don't know if I can. I don't know if anything I do can make up for what I've done. And the pack? They might never forgive me—hell, I might never forgive myself.