𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐍│lee know centric

5.0: Pale in comparison

His new diet wasn't so bad, just a few restrictions here and there, nothing he couldn't handle.

His mind struggled to believe that it'd really gotten this bad, he knew that he'd gained a bit of weight over their vacation- but how did it get to the point where he was bigger than almost all most of the members? It's almost humiliating.

As his mind continued to stray further away from reality, he found himself thinking back on what the photographer had said on the day of the photoshoot.

"You've been eating well, haven't you?"

As he slowly replayed the man's words in his head, he briefly wondered yet again how he'd gone so long without having noticed.

He's not usually bothered by something like this, he shouldn't be. He knew that he was always going to face backhanded comments and shameful remarks about his appearance, so why was he being so sensitive about it? this isn't like him.

He figured that maybe he could try to forget all about it- or at least, act as if it didn't happen. And yeah, the diet would work, he'd lose the weight, and then move on.

But as it turns out, not everything is as easy as it looks.

He soon realized that, no matter what he did, he simply just wasn't going to forget about it and move on.

No matter how far he tried to push that thought into the back of his mind, it never reached that far as it always ended up resurfacing at the worst times.

Like when they were in the middle of a dance practice, and all he could think about was the way Hyunjin's body looked so effortlessly perfect, even all sweaty and tired.

And sure, this wasn't an old thought, he'd always been aware of the fact that these men were perfect- but he just can't seem to get over it.

The line between admiration and envy soon became blurred as he was consumed with insecurity.

He began to reduce his intake, and spend extra hours in the practice room. He even used his leisure time at the gym.

But nothing seemed to be working, he remained the same, nothing changed.

He's been trying so hard, so why is nothing happening? Why can't he be perfect like them?

What is it about him that's causing him to be such a failure?

Minho was not an insecure man, and sure, he had his moments, but none of them ended up affecting him for such a long time. Maybe it was the stress of their comeback that had him picking apart everything wrong with his appearance? it certainly wouldn't be surprising.

He saw the way that Changbin visibly flinched every time someone even slightly touched him.

He saw the way Seungmin's eyes were always bloodshot as if he'd been crying for hours.

He saw the way that Chan's exhaustion slipped through, he saw through the gentle facade that was being put up by their leader and he knew.

He knew that they were troubled, every idol has their struggles, it wasn't an easy thing to deal with. The pressure, the hate, the exhaustion. All they ever wanted to be was enough.

Enough for their management, enough for their fans, enough for themselves.

And maybe he didn't understand that at first, didn't understand the lengths that these idols would go to, just to be perfect.

To be pretty.

But he thinks that maybe, just maybe, he's starting to understand that now.

Because when he entered into the industry, he jumped straight into it with confidence, thinking that he was gonna make a difference; That he would never be like those idols who starved themselves just to look appealing to the public.

He told himself that he wouldn't fall for their dangerous trap, and they all did. They all went in there thinking that they'd be different.

Turns out they're just another part of the not so stupid generalization of kpop idols. Just another example of people who were changed by the industry, for the worse.

Just like Lee Minho.

Because he's no different from them, he's just another ticking time bomb.