Healing with Words

Trigger warning-

Sexual assault

Mentions of suicide

Self-harm

On display

The only way I could feel my father's love

Is from his touch

Never, "I'm so proud of you my daughter"

It was always just his wicked lust

My father made me believe my worth lies in the size of my chest

That being on display is for the best

Cuz then the boys will notice

Averting their focus

From my chest to my thighs

Skipping my smile

I am getting the attention I so crave,

yet it feels so vile

Being on display makes me feel validated

Even though I absolutely hate it

I am seen as an object

yet it's my fault

I know it's my fault

Because that's my only logic

Because that's what I was taught

So, to feel the love my father never gave me

I put myself on display

Thinking maybe, just maybe

A man would want to love me

But I so often mistake love for lust

So I seek love from men who can't even remember my name

Can't, you see that I'm in pain?

I'm on display because I just want to be loved

I do not want to be touched

I want to be seen for who I am

Not for the size of my chest

But being on display...

It's for the best

Because you'll never be wanted

Unless you're undressed

The things I would've done for you...

I wanted to share my world with you

I want to be the reason you smile

But I know that will never happen

And this feeling in my stomach feels vile

For you, I would've torn my walls down

I would've treated you like gold

But now I'm left looking like a clown

With you, I wanted to grow old

My knees have bled from begging for you

My heart has bled from aching for you

These tears I've shed from crying for you

My fists are red from fighting for you

I love the rain even more these days

It feels like I'm not crying alone