So High School

So alone (pt1)

A/N another suggestionn

TW: suicide description, depression, blood

Taylor had been struggling a lot for the last few months. She felt so alone. She had barely been getting out of bed, not eating, barely drinking, and she hadn't smiled in a long time. Travis was really worried but didn't know how to help her- she wouldn't talk to him, and every time he suggested she should talk to a therapist or someone else she refused.

Today was one of the few days that Taylor actually got out of bed. She had had a shower and was now sitting downstairs at the breakfast table, an uneaten bowl of museli infront of her, Travis sitting across. Taylor was getting really skinny, worryingly skinny, and nothing Travis could do would make her eat.

"Come on baby, just one mouthful. Please" Travis pleaded, as Taylor just stirred the yoghurt around the bowl.
"Please baby" Travis begged, staring deep into her, but she avoided his gaze.

Reluctantly, Taylor scooped up bit tiny blob on the end of her spoon. She held it up infront of her for a good ten seconds, as Travis waited with bated breath. Eventually she put it in her mouth, chewing and swallowing slowly. As soon as her mouth was empty she burst into tears, dropping the spoon back onto the table with a clatter and pushing the bowl away from her. She dropped her head into her hands and sobbed.

Travis, taken aback by this sudden outburst, came round the table and sat next to her, pulling her close. He rubbed her back as she curled into his chest, sobbing. Eventually the sobs died down into quiet sniffles, and Travis took a deep breath.
"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" He asked her, for what felt like the hundredth time that month.
Taylor stayed silent for a couple of seconds before sucking in a shaky breath. "I hate feeling like this" she cried, tears spilling down her cheeks.
"Feeling like what? Come on Tay, explain it to me, I just want to help" Travis urged her gently. He continued rubbing her back as she fought to get her breathing back to normal.

"I want to die Trav, I want to kill myself. I hate feeling like this, I hate it. I hate it here" she started crying again. "Everyone hates me, I've got nothing left to do in life. I can't do this anymore, I feel so alone" Travis's heart broke at her words. He hated seeing her in pain, and felt helpless that he couldn't do anything.

"No baby, not everyone hates you and the people who do are just pricks. You are kind, funny and amazing, and so many people wouldn't know what to do without you. Look at your fans- they love you so much. And your family and friends- there are so many people that love you and are here for you Taylor. And you've got tons to do, you are still gonna release a trillion more albums and break all the records, win all the awards. I love you so so so much Taylor, and I can't live without you. I love you" Travis was crying now too, feeling hopeless that she was feeling like this and he couldn't do anything.
"I love you too" Taylor managed to say through her tears.

They say there, holding each other for a good while until Travis decided to speak up again.
"Can you talk to a therapist Tay? For me? I can't help you all by myself, as much as I want to" Taylor nodded reluctantly, looking up at him. As Travis looked down into her broken blue eyes, he could see a glimmer of light for the first time in a while.

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A couple of weeks had past, and Taylor was already improving. She had spoken to her new therapist four times and had opened up to Travis a lot more. She had been eating at least twice a day and showering often, and although some days were difficult Travis was overjoyed to see that smile back again.

Although she was making so much progress, those thoughts did still come back. She made sure to tell Travis when they did, and the couple would talk it out, often ending in cuddles.

Travis had been too afraid to leave Taylor at home by herself when going to practice, so he had been skipping it the past few weeks. And that way partly the reason why the pair found themselves yelling across the living room at each other one Thursday night. They weren't entirely sure how it had started, but then both being exhausted definitely contributed.

"OH MY GOD I HATE YOU" Taylor screamed, her fists clenched.
"I HATE YOU! YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE TAYLOR" Travis yelled.
"And what do you mean by that?!" Taylor's voice was low, cold.
" I CAN'T GO TO MY JOB BECAUSE I'M TOO FUCKING SCARED YOU'RE GONNA DO SOMETHING" Travis shouted, turning towards the door. "Why did I have to date someone who wants to kill herself every fucking second of every day" he muttered the last bit under his breath, but still loud enough for Taylor to hear, and stormed out, slamming the door behind him. As soon as he left he knew he had gone too far, but all his rational thoughts were clouded by anger as he got into his car and drove away.

Taylor stood in the middle of the living room, still processing what had just happened. Suddenly it all hit her, like a punch in the gut. She let out a sob, falling into her knees and clutching her chest. It was too tight, she couldn't breathe. Sobs wracked her body as she rested her forehead on the ground, her cries raw and filled with emotion.

Travis was gone. He was gone. And he hated her. Taylor stood up shakily, stumbling slightly. She looked to her left and the first thing that caught her eye was the top right draw under the kitchen counter. She stumbled over to it, using the cold stone surface to steady herself.

She yanked the draw open, staring at the array of knives before her. Why not? I mean, Travis hated her, everyone hated her. Nobody cared if she lived or died. She ran her fingers along the wooden handles, stopping at the biggest one. The sharpest one. Flexing her fingers, she pulled it out the draw. She could see her reflection in the shiny metal of it. She sat down, leaning against the kitchen counter. She pulled up her sleeves and readjusted her grip on the knives handle.

She rested the blade on the smooth skin of her wrist, were she could see her vain. Travis hates you. Cut. No one cares. Cut. You have nothing left to live for. Cut. Everyone hates you. Cut. Travis would rather you be dead. Cut. No one cares. Cut. No one cares. Cut. No one cares. Cut. No one cares.

Taylor dropped the knife and it clattered to the floor, skidding across the tiled surface. Blood was dripping down her arm, staining her top, forming a puddle on the floor. She was started to feel light headed as the loss of blood began to affect her.

Wait. She didn't want this. She was making so much progress. Travis loves her. She gasped, quickly slapping her hand over the many cuts, holding pressure. But it wasn't working. The blood was seeping through the gaps in her fingers, dripping to the floor.

She scrambled to her feet, steadying herself against the counter as the whole room swayed. She stumbled to her phone, and with shaking hands dialled Travis's number. Her blood was getting everywhere, smeared across the floor, the counters, her phone. The phone rung twice before going to voicemail.
"No no no no" she muttered under her breath. She tried again, getting the same results. And again, and again, and again. No luck.

The room was swaying, spinning. Stars were dancing around her vision as the sound of the television that had been left of all night because muffled. The phone fell from her hands, smashing against the stone surface. She stumbled to the side, trying to reach out for something to steady herself. She grabbed at air, finding nothing. Her head hit the floor, and she just lay there, too tired to move. Her eyelids grew heavy as they closed. She was alone. Alone.

So alone she couldn't hear Travis burst in through the front door. So alone she couldn't hear him screaming her name, him shaking her limp, lifeless body. So alone she didn't hear the paramedics arrive. So alone that she didn't feel the hands pumping her chest. So alone that she didn't hear them pronounce her DOA. So alone she didn't hear Travis's screams, begging her to come back. So alone. Alone.

A/N if any of you ever feel like this please talk to someone, I'll always be here if you need 💞💞

Do you guys want a part 2 of this but this chapter from Travis's POV?