Say Something (Im giving up on you) || Zarry

Chapter 21

The walk to the convenient store was silent, Harry walking straight to it and Zayn, at least 3 feet away, following him. The air was so dead, Harry thought he heard a mouse squeak when they passed 2 tall green trash bins.

Harry doesn't even know what to say. It's not like he wanted to say something, but he doesn't know how to react to all of this either. After Zayn told him, Harry just nodded at him and started walking.

He's engaged, Harry thought. It was playing on his head like a loop that he didn't noticed he already passed by the entrance of the convenience store until he heard Zayn call his name loudly. He stopped but didn't really look at Zayn when he turn around and walked to the door. "Sorry." Harry said, avoiding eye contact as he entered the store, going straight to the soda aisle. There wasn't any in liters so he got those in cans, grabbing 2 of every kind available. He got 8 in total, hugging it near just the bottom of his chest. He almost dropped one when he started walking to the cashier, which made Zayn rush to him and tried to take some it. "I got it." Harry hissed.

It wasn't much of a queue, just three people waiting for their turn to pay. Harry paid for the sodas, asking the cashier if he could put it in a plastic instead of a paper bag, and went straight outside, Zayn still keeping his 3 feet distance following him. They still weren't talking, and Harry was walking slow, too slow that the five minute walk would probably become fifteen. He doesn't really want to go in there. He doesn't know how much it will break him, break him more than Zayn announcing it himself broke him.

But Harry's sure it will.

Harry walked even slower, panicking a bit when he saw his front door, just a couple of steps away. The feeling was just like back in 6th grade, when he had 2 Fs and doesn't want to come home because Gemma stayed a bit late, too, the previous night to help him study. He doesn't want to disappoint them.

Harry might be spacing out for a while now, he didn't even know he stopped walking until someone gently held his right arm and spun him.

"are you oke?"

Its Zayn. Of course it is.

Harry didn't say anything, though. Just stared at him, his eyes searching Zayn's for something he doesn't even know what. He looked down and nodded. Zayn wasn't buying it, cause when he turned around and started walking, Zayn grabbed his arm again, pulling him that his nape were inches away from Zayn's face. He can feel his breaths.

"Harreh.."

Harry didn't say anything. He didn't move either.

"Harreh please.."

"Say something..." Zayn tried again.

"The fuck do you want me to say?" Harry looks at him, then, but Zayn was the one to break the eye contact this time.

"Perrie almost found out." Zayn told him, letting go of his arm. "She thought I was cheating, because I always go out late and comes back at dawn.

"She was crying, and... and wanted to break up with me... I didn't know what to do." Zayn stops for a moment, rubbing the stubbles on his chin which he might not even knew he was doing. Harry knows he's nervous, or panicky, or uncomfortable, because this is what he does when he's uneasy, so harry took his hand gently away from his chin and nodded for Zayn to continue. Harry let go of zayn's hand but zayn grabbed it, and they were looking at each other again.

"I told her I've been going to your place. That you were helping me on an engagement party."

Harry wanted to snatch his hand away from Zayn, then, but he didn't. He doesn't know how many more times Zayn would hold his, so even in the most painful situations, he tried to cherish it, biting his lip so hard, he could almost taste blood.

It suddenly hit Harry like a bus, then. He suddenly wanted to say a lot of things, too much things that could fuck this all up even more that it already is. But he knew it would hurt Zayn. He knows Zayn, that he's the one probably suffering the most from all of this, and Harry promised himself that he's not going to be selfish anymore when it comes to Zayn. He wonders, though, how much more of this can he take.

So yeah, Harry kept biting his lower lip.

"I love her, Harry. I don't want to lose her." Zayn kept his gaze, and it broke – fucking broke Harry's heart when Zayn blinked and tears fell from his eyes, his fucking beautiful big amber eyes which managed to look even more beautiful when crying. It broke his heart more than hearing Zayn tell it to his face that he loves Perrie. That he doesn't want to lose her. That he'd rather lose Harry than lose her.

Harry knows, then, that he lost. That it was over. Zayn already chose her.

"Hey," Harry held his shoulder with his free hand. "Don't cry... I'll back your story up when we get in there."

Harry's not just biting his lips because he's holding back words now, he's also holding back his tears. He wonders if this is Zayn saying goodbye to him, or ending what he thought they had. He wonders if goodbyes with Zayn would always be this painful, and He's glad he didn't do it when he left three years ago.

If he did, it would've killed him.

He would've wanted to kill himself.

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