peer-e-kamil(English)

chapter-1 (part 1)

'My life's dearest desire?' She fell into deep thought, the pen between her lips. Then drawing a deep breath, she gave a wan smile, 'Hard to say...!

Why is it hard?' Javeria asked her.

'Because I desire so many things, and each one of them is so important for me,' she replied, shaking her head.

They were both sitting at the farther end of the auditorium, their backs to the wall. It was their eighth day at the F.Sc. classes and they spent their free period there. Nibbling salted peanuts one by one, Javeria repeated her question. 'What's your life's dearest wish, Imama?'

Imama looked at her with some surprise and pondered over the question. Then parrying the question with a demand, she said, 'You tell me first what you desire most.'

'I asked you first, so you should reply first,' retorted Javeria.

'Very well...let me think,' Imama conceded defeat. 'My life's dearest desire...' she mumbled to herself.

'Well, one wish is to live long...very long,' she said.

'Why?' laughed Javeria.

'Fifty or sixty years are too short for me. One should live to be at least a hundred. And then there is so much I wish to do. Should I die early, all my wishes would remain unfulfilled. She popped a peanut into her mouth.

"What else?' said Javeria.

I want to be the most outstanding doctor in the country-the best eye specialist, so that when the history of eye surgery in Pakistan is compiled, my name will be at the very top of the list.' She looked up with a smile.

'And what if you cannot become a doctor? After all, that depends both on merit and luck,' Javeria stated.

'That is out of the question. I am working so hard to make it to the merit list. Besides my parents can afford to send me abroad if I don't get into a medical college here.'

'But still, what if you cannot be a doctor?'

'That's impossible. It's my life's dearest desire: I can sacrifice everything for it. This has been my lifelong dream, and how can one just ignore or forget one's dreams? Impossible!' Imama shook her head decisively as she picked another peanut off her palm and nibbled on it.

'Nothing is impossible in life-anything can happen at any time. Suppose your wish does not come true, how would you react?'

Imama fell into thought again. "To begin with, I'll weep a lot...a great deal...for many days and then I'll die.'

Javeria burst out laughing. "You just said you wanted a very long life, and now you want to die.'

'Obviously. What's the point of living then? All my plans are built around my career in medicine and if that is not to be a part of my life, then what remains?'

'So you mean this one dream of your life will wipe out all other dreams?'

Yes, think of it that way.

Your most important desire is to be a doctor, not to live long?

"You could say so.

Very well-so, if you can't become a doctor, then how would you choose to die? Would you choose: suicide or a natural death?

A natural death of course. I can't kill myself, Imama replied casually.

And if you do not die naturally, then what? I mean, if you do not die soon, despite not being a doctor, you would go on living.

'No. I know that I'll die very soon if I can't be a doctor. I will be so heart-broken that I will not survive,' she replied decisively.

'It is difficult to believe that a cheerful person like you can be so despairing as to cry yourself to death. And that too just because you were unable to pursue a medical career. Sounds funny,' mocked Javeria.