Fire and Brimstone

Part One

The moment he walked into the room I felt it. His energy fizzled around the space, electrifying every atom it reached, burning them to a bitter, smoking ember. Something was very wrong and even though I had no way of knowing what was causing this, I couldn't stop the dread from clawing its way through my body. Like I'd caused this, that somehow it was my fault. I didn't dare speak, not until he did, so I waited with baited breath, wondering how I could diffuse his oppressive, thunderous mood.

Dz sits heavily on the sofa, pulling out his phone and stabbing at the screen. He hasn't even acknowledged me yet so I hover, precariously, in the background, debating on the best course of action.

My instincts are screaming at me to get out of there, my heart thrashing in my ribcage as wave after wave of nausea threaten to overcome me. Like a deer trapped in headlights that are too bright, I just stare at him, wide eyed and helpless. The collar, his collar, around my neck seems to tighten. My throat, closing with suppressed emotion, makes it impossible to get the oxygen I so desperately need. But still, I can't move.

Eventually he tosses his phone down onto the coffee table violently and snarls, his mood plummeting even further. He doesn't move then, but I do. I can't help it. Holding my breath I edge backwards towards the door, millimeter by millimeter, on trembling legs.

The logical part of my brain is trying to rationalize his behavior, throwing out examples of all the ways he's a good and safe partner, listing off all the wonderful things he's ever done for me, except I can't focus on any of that. I know he would never, ever, hurt me but my body is on autopilot, a learned response trying desperately to protect me from the perceived threat and remembered dangers of the past.

"You're not even going to say hello?" His voice is low and thick with rage.

Shit, he is mad at me.

Pausing in the doorway I offer a meek and whispered, "Hello."

He whips around, staring me down with ice in those imposing eyes. I want to cry but I can't. Tears won't help, I know from experience they only escalate the problem. So I hold them back, gritting my teeth until my jaw aches.

"What's wrong? What's happened?" Suddenly Dz is in front of me, hands grasping onto my biceps as he stoops to look in my eyes.

Stumbling back, I pull free, quickly turning my back to him as I school my face into a neutral expression.

Don't react, don't react, don't react... The thought is a quiet mantra keeping me calm enough to pretend all is fine.

"Nothing, I'm sorry, I'm just not feeling great." Forcing myself to glance over my shoulder I offer up a placating smile... At least, I hope I do. "You seem to be having a bad day, let me get you a drink." Thankfully my voice, although quiet, doesn't waver.

I manage two steps before he barks out a rough, "Stop!"

Freezing, I work to settle my heavy breathing and hide my shaking hands.

Dz sighs but rather than sounding dejected, it conveys an anger that I am not capable of handling. "Is this because I haven't seen you in a few days?" He asks.

I can't think about what he's saying, my brain is too busy trying to come up with ways out of this without...

No! That's not Dz. He would never do that to me. He would never inflict pain simply because he was pissed. He wouldn't take his anger out on me like that without consent.

But still, even though I know this is true, my fawn response doubles down.

"Are you tired? You must be tired, sit down, let me get you that drin–"