The Comfortable Position of Your Eyes

Long Ass Story

This is going to only be one chapter, its haha funny.

This is all taken by the point of view of my friend who wrote this, these are her actual life experiences, its beautiful. Now on with ze long ass story.

 Nothing ever works out. Joy was unattainable for anyone accept those who were handed it.

I stood at the edge of my mortality. Wind whipped my hair across my face as I turned off my will to live that slipped like snakes made of sand through the gaps in my fingers.

A high whine came from the room behind me. Scratching sounds of my dog suddenly stole my attention, effectively snapping me back to rationality. The feeling returned to my skin and I could now feel the freezing air through my thin pajamas and the rough roof tiles beneath my bare feet.

I stumbled backwards and all but fell through my open bedroom window. A panic attack quickly took a sharp hold of me and sucked the air from my lungs. Breath came in fast, short busts that forced to me to all but crawl to the bathroom.

Avoiding looking at myself in the mirror, I turned on the sink and washed my face in the ghostly light of the moon. Tears started to mix with the cool water and in the dead of a winter night, my depressed, lonely, desperate self promised to never let myself feel like this again.

***

Hopeless romantic. The words rang in my ears like church bells. It has always been something that I have yearned for in my life. Love. But not from family or friends; from someone who cares about you, and loves you for you, and is there for you.

I always found it so stupid that everyone always gives so much advice on how to love, and how to be lovable, and how to find someone who loves you, but no one ever tells you how to love yourself, or how to deal with situationships, or how to get over someone who never loved you in the first place.

I miss Owen. I hate him with all of my being. My best friend is only second to my soul mate, Grace, for much more time than he should have been. I remember every moment that made me (think I) love(d) him.

I glanced from across the room at my friend. He had been busily clicking away at the big school monitor in front of him. His wavy, dark brown hair bounced when he turned his head, and his dark blue hoodie was almost black in the darkly lit yearbook room.

"Hey, Owen, do you think you could help me with this?" The girl next to me had called over and watched with adoring eyes as he pushed lightly off of the ground and sent his chair rolling over to her.

"What's up?"

"I was just wondering how you add pictures to the computer to edit them." I remember her voice rising a octive when she explained her problem, scooping her dirty blonde, straight hair behind her ear. She had always gotten under my skin for how she talked like a girl living in the rich neighborhoods of California instead of a small town an hour out of the Colorado Rockies.

Owen glanced at me with a quick pleading look and I leaned over to the girl's side of the desk. Gesturing at the mouse I tried to avoid too much eye contact."May I?" And at her nod, I made a few clicks and speedily imported the photos to the computer.

The girl had offered no more than an "Oh," as a thanks and a little indignant squeak when Owen scooted to my side.

There wasn't a single thing I'd loved more than when he hung out with me other than him himself. But he didn't know that. He had been so blissfully unaware of how absolutely in love with him I was. He also didn't know how much pain it caused me to watch him get his heart broken over horrible people while I sat in agony as he did the same to me without even knowing it. The only reason he didn't know was because I had eventually just learned to now show how I felt after years of depressive tendencies.