Not Like Other Girls: Character Analysis In the Form of Fan-Fiction

The Story

Mr. Darcy was obviously quite proud of something. Lady Beth was intrigued, "What's on your mind?"

It was surprising to him to hear someone other than himself talking. "What? Well, I was just thinking of traveling. Why, one time I found myself in India as a guest of the prime minister in nothing short of the Taj Mahal!"

Lady Beth had heard him tell stories like this before and looked out at the crowd to see if someone else was available to take her place.

"The servants were wearing a traditional costume celebrating some kind of savage rite of passage or holiday!" Mr Darcy was extraordinarily childish about other cultures. They seemed to exist as a form of entertainment. He blithered on, "And they served this rice dish that was supposedly... and I heard later on confirmation that it was amazing... the most amazing curry rice cured in pure gold!"

Lady Beth could not ignore him any longer, per social rules. She shook her melting ice absently and looked up to his idiotically eager face, "Pure gold, you say?"

"Yes! Pure gold! And when they passed by me, I took one!" He suddenly looked sad. "Unfortunately, I had not had my seltzer water tonic that day and I knew if I had rice, that I would surely swell up like a balloon. So, I gave the bowl back to the server." A long pause indicated it was Lady Beth's time to feign concern.

"Oh no. How could they not have had a seltzer tonic at the party"

"Well, it takes 12 hours to take effect. But, I made sure to have the waiter fired immediately." He was proud. Lady Beth raised her empty glass to him and left the conversation. Mr. Darcy, unfazed, moved on to the next victim in the crowd. It turned out to be a very pale girl with jutting cheekbones and vacant features. He made his way over there, carrying a full goblet of wine.

Tripping over his own feet, he managed to spill its entire contents on himself. He recovered easily with a deflection toward the pale girl. "I apologize profusely, my lady. Can I buy you a dress?" He caught her off guard.

She nodded, looking bashfully downward as she tucked a piece of dark hair behind her ear and mumbled out what sounded like an okay. A silence settled down between them.

"Ahem. And does a beauty such as yourself have a name?" He cleared his throat by accident. Then he did it once in a much more pretentious manner to avoid embarrassment.

She was eager for his reaction. "Bella. Bella Swan." She waited for a moment with hopes he would ask about some social connection, but was disappointed when he remained silent. Her expression suggested that she had just said something very important.

"Pleased to make your acquaintance, Lady Bella." He grinned down at himself, rocking back onto his heels and puffing out his small soft belly. "Bella."

The repetition of her monotone voice was music to his ears, "A beautiful name. Why, when I was staying with the great De Beaux family, I met a woman who was very beautiful, which as we all know, is Latin for Bella. And she and I had quite the courtship. I was so very thoughtful and purchased many things of value, flown in from all corners of the earth. Have you ever had such an experience?"

"I flew on an airplane once, but I have never felt closer to the ground." Bella batted her eyelashes.

"Me as well. I bought her so many things as an act of charity and we met up frequently. Why, one time we met up in the most beautiful garden in all of France, where you have to pay in diamonds to get in. And as I recall, it was nighttime. Midnight to be exact. The sky glittered like, well, I suppose like the diamonds we had paid earlier. It was the most beautiful thing. You just had to be there. Except daddy forgot to give me my diamonds, so I mostly watched from the gate. That was last night if memory serves."

"I used to be afraid of the dark, but then the sun came up." Bella coughed. "That was also last night." It made him blush. He was quite stupid and prone to confusing bouts of self-dignity.

"I suppose you think I am promiscuous. But I assure you, milady, I am not. I resent your accusation." He finished his drinks before departing with the only thing he could say. "I am not like other girls."

He stormed off to find someone else to bother. A few moments passed. She felt rejected, but it was just that she realized how boring they both were.