Noah,
I'm so sorry that I passed by you without a hi. I looked up at you and your sister, and said nothing.
For that I am truly sorry.
I wanted to say hi, and I almost did, but the words just wouldn't leave my mouth.
I feel sooo bad!
I wish I could just let myself be myself, but I just can't always seem to do that when I'm feeling shy.
I wish everyone who sees me as shy could see what I'm like when I'm not. I can be loud and noisy. I can be hyper and talkative. I can be silly. I dance around and sing loudly with friends I know well, to the point my brother pretends to kill me to get me to stop.
I bet you wouldn't guess that my favorite genre of music is Christian rap, and my second favorite is Christian rock. You wouldn't guess that because I don't show my true self when I'm feeling shy. I wish I did.
All those years I can't get back because of holding back everything I want to say, or do, but don't say and do simply because I won't let myself.
It used to be different. I honestly don't know what happened. Like in Connection, the homeschool group, I was able to be myself around absolutely anyone. I made others laugh (I love doing that) and I even got in trouble for talking sometimes. I even voiced my opinions to people I had never talked to before.
But now it's different. I hardly speak sometimes, unless I know a person well and I usually sit alone unless I have someone I know REALLY well to sit next to. I always regret it and feel sad later about not letting my true self out.
I feel really badly about just passing by you without so much as a "hi", so I'm writing you this explanation and apology letter.
I'm trying to get better and get back to the days where I was free to be me around anyone.
Again, I'm really, really sorry! And I hope I'm not annoying you with these silly letters. You can be honest with me and tell me if I am!
Forgive me as I work through this shyness with you!
-Naya
