Will we ever be okay?- Kim Seungmin

︶꒦꒷12꒷꒦︶

︶꒦꒷∞꒷꒦︶

We barely slept the night before we went to visit Jeongin. It gave us a sort of Deja Vu.
How we stayed up until 12am, wished Jeongin happy birthday, watched a movie the night before it all happened. But we just laid in bed this time, we were too sad to do anything positive.

It felt empty, and we knew that empty feeling wouldn't go away so easily.

Jeongin's parents both arrived early in the morning, around 9am, His mother with her usual warm smile on her face. But there was also a hint of sadness in their eyes, knowing what today represented. His father looked at both of us, taking in our nervous expressions

"Ready to go?"

We nodded, too tensed, too anxious to use our words.

They nodded silently and led the way to their car. The drive to the cemetery was marked by a heavy silence. Every minute that passed brought us closer to the place where Jeongin was laid to rest. Seungmin sat in the backseat, his hands clenched into fists in his lap, and he kept taking deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. I balled his hands in mine and he managed to relax his fists and gently held onto my hand, intertwining his fingers our fingers.

We looked out the window and saw the familiar rows of gravestones and memorials stretching out before us. My grip on his hand tightened ever so slightly. I felt my heart rate spike as the car came to a halt.

Aunty Yang turned around and looked at both of us, her eyes filled with sorrow and compassion. She spoke in a soft, gentle voice,

"We're here.."
"I know, it's a lot to take in, we can sit in the car until you're ready"

After a moment of hesitation, Seungmin looked up to Aunty Yang and spoke, his voice barely above a whisper,

"No, we can get out. I-we can do this.."

I looked at him with a sad smile. I agreed to get out right now, because sitting in the car any longer would only prolong the anxiety and sadness. 

We walked over to flower shop, buying a few flowers.
Seungmin picked Pink Roses while i picked White Roses.

Once both of us had selected our flowers, we paid for them and continued towards Jeongin's grave. Each step closer felt heavier and more significant, the weight of the past seven years pressing down upon both of our shoulders.

Seungmin look anxious and jittery, so we walked hand-in-hand.
Honestly, I was the same.

"where is he?"
I asked because all the memory of ever coming here seemed really hazy. 

"This way, it's right up ahead."
Aunty Yang led the way, she obviously knew exactly where Jeongin was buried, having visited the grave many times over the years.

We walked right behind her, our hearts pounding with every step. The path seemed to stretch out forever, prolonging the agony of anticipation. Finally, we turned a corner, and Jeongin's gravestone came into view. All emotions that were hidden deep inside us, felt they were suddenly coming out on the surface.