Smalltown Boy

Smalltown boy
"The love you need will never be found at home.."

september 2003!!!

The twins never really had love from their family,
they lived alone with their mother most of the time, and they were seeing their father more and more rarely. That gave Bill this feeling of always being alone. He would only talk to his big brother, only when he was discovered while crying, like this time in the bathroom. That day was a day of school.

"What's wrong ?" the little dreads haired boy asked as he closed the door behind him locking it.
He found his little brother on the floor of the very small bathroom, holding his knees together, trying to find his breathe.
The blonde haired boy pushed Bill against the closest wall to sit.

"I'm scared Tom. Each time we go to school."
Bill painfully answered, grabbing his chest as he looked at his feet with big eyes.

"I know, one day we will run away from that. I don't want you to stay alone." Tom answered, slowly taking his little brother's hand, he knew it would calm him down.

Bill was finally finding his calm again, he let his head rest on Tom's shoulder as they both fixed the cabinet in front of them.
"I could never ask for a better brother than you."

JUNE 19 2007

Amari was getting ready as fast as he could keeping an eye on the tv. he took the fastest shower and grabbed flared pants and a hoodie from his suitcase.
He walked next to the tv as he was putting his socks on, and he felt his heart drop to his stomach when he saw videos of the famous singer getting evacuated in an ambulance. He felt like the world was falling all around him.
He urged to his jacket, not even knowing where to search, there were many hospitals in Paris.
But Amari wasn't so worried, he just had to log in Skyblog, fans probably found already the adress of the hospital, he grabbed his laptop off the floor, where he left it before sleeping.
He placed it on the table quickly getting on the skyblog site as he was tying his shoes.

Skyblog.com

BILL KAULITZ IS DEAD? PLS TELL ME ITS FAKE!:'((

"PEOPLE FOUND HOSPI! ITS Hopital charles foix"

"I'll try 2 go there to see if anything is happening!!' x("

Amari closed his laptop and ran to the door.
His jacket was in fact Bill's one, the one he used for the movie clip of DON'T JUMP. Bill gave it to him a night they were together all high outside. They both forgot how it ended up with Amari wearing it.

10:20 PM

The fan waves was bigger than any other ones he saw. Everyone was crying and screaming, no one was happy, Amari could tell why.
He tried making himself a way to the front door of the Hospital by pushing fans, he didn't even care about them, he just kept his head in his jacket because he knew if anyone recognised him it would be over for him.

Two body games kept the door closed, Amari let his face show a bit just make the two open.
"It's me, Am'."

Once the boy got in the hospital he could hear screams and "boos" from the fans, he looked behind as the door closed in front of the hysterical crowd, but who could he blame, he ruined Bill himself, he did it to him, he had to assume.
He ran to every services of the hospital trying to find his almost lost lover.
When he got into a nurse making them both fall.

"I'm sorry!! i'll help you." Amari shyly said taking all the cutters and scissors giving them to the women.
"Do you know where the singer Bill Kaulitz is?"

"Go straight and turn left." She calmly and almost dryly answered placing everything on a silver plate, walking away, leaving amari with his own stress.

He went straight and turned straight left, he found another long hallway but saw a room with door opened, he quickly ran to it, holding himself to the door frame. He found Tom holding Bill's hand, Bill was still unconscious.
Amari felt a heavy feeling leaving his heart when he heard and saw that Bill's heart was still beating.

Tom turned around, Amari didn't even have a little time to say something, that he got interrupted already

"You. You fucking ruined my brother. The doctors fucking told me! i'll fucking ruin you and sue you, you ruined TOKIO HOTEL!! I swear to anything i have on life you fucking should run now." Tom was pushing Amari slowly until the wall, the makeup artist didn't know what to do, he was honestly scared, all of that reminding him of his past with his father.

"Listen i just-" Amari was about to start, but a very weak voice stopped both boys.

"Stop Tom, leave him alone." Bill said, rubbing his eye with two of his fingers.

The two boys went on each sides of the bed to stay close of who they love the most here.

Bill almost died. But fortunately, he got saved,
He got rest for two days, and then it started again.
After all, he accepted the fact he cannot be helped.

June 21

7:59 pm

Amari decided to come back as a makeup Artist, and promised himself to never give anything to Bill again, and even took everything Bill already had from him.

1...

2...

3...

Bill Kaulitz gets on Stage, and here we go again, a stressed Bill everyone love and scream for.
But this time he was happy, like it was his last goodbye.

David was very happy of the performance, all the fans were so excited and happy to see their favorites.
The setlist was slowly finishing, and soon enough it was over.
Unfortunately Bill's heart was about to explode.
He couldn't live like that anymore.
It was not possible.
He could never live all his life this way.
He couldn't live without drugs anymore, but he keeps perfoming like a tiger in a cage and no one helps him.
But he's happy, and he knows why.

11:20

Amari stayed in the band's tour bus to sleep with Bill, everyone was sleeping, except the singer.

All the things they said, they run into his head.
He can't get saved from this, he signed for this, to David, he knew it was gonna happen, and he didn't say stop, cause he was too scared to disappoint.

He's an animal in a cage. No one, not even Amari could give him the love he actually needs, drugs were his only escape.
No one could save him, and he finally realised that.

Everyone was fast asleep.
Amari didn't know Bill found his bag with all the drugs he needed to trip.
To start, he took eight xanax, his record.
He drank them with a bit of vodka he found in the mini fridge.
He then cleaned a syringe and injected himself three doses of heroine.
He felt happy, it was almost over.
He took his credit card, he made a very long of cocaine on his night stand, and sniffed. He blocked his other nostril.

He slowly laid back next to Amari, taking more sips of his vodka to clean his nose.
He then looked at his always secret lover.
"I'm sorry i wasn't enough. I'll be watching you up there. I love you, Amari, sorry i never said it."
Bill slowly said between the stutters and effect of the drugs.

He then took his Ipod, he scrolled to find Smalltown Boy by Bronski beat.

And he closed his eyes.
He was happy.

Bill Kaulitz
11:57 PM
21/06/2007.